Let Me (re)Introduce Myself...

What you are about to hear, is the realist shit I ever spoke. Real talk. This introductory podcast turned into more than even I was expecting. You are guaranteed to get an in depth look into who Momba truly is and what this podcast is all about. So go ahead...spark one up and get ready to jump down the rabbit hole.. 

Transcript

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Hello, kings and queens. It's your girl Mamba, and welcome to this introductory episode of Mamba Raw and Unfiltered. In this episode, you're going to learn more about your host and how the idea of this podcast came to be. You can also expect to get information about the official launch date, where to tune in, and how to contact the podcast directly to share your own raw and unfiltered thoughts. With all that said, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope you choose to stay, spark one up, and jump down a rabbit hole with me. Let's get to it. At least not up until last year, the year of my transformation. But more on that later. Y'all, this is surreal. The idea that I have gotten so comfortable with my vulnerabilities enough to get on this microphone and share them with you all is mind-blowing to me. There was a time in my life where this would not have even been conceivable. The hardest part about doing anything is moving your feet. Simply taking that first step. You can have desires, but desires without action steps are simply wishful thinking. You must be hungry for what you want and not only just have the willingness to go after what you want, you gotta have the mental fortitude as well. There will be sacrifice, sometimes through blood, sometimes through sweat, and oftentimes through tears. When we really take the time to examine what those action steps look like and what is required from us, it can be intimidating. It was in those moments where I found myself failing. Transformation demands sacrifice. I was willing to make those sacrifices, but I was lacking the mental fortitude to push through to the other side. I would constantly stay thinking about my dreams, goals, and desires. I would even write them out and put them in random places where I would have no choice but to see them and remind myself of what I was trying to accomplish. I did all that and more to reach what I had so desperately wanted and prayed for. Man, the discussions I had with minds I trusted, I was always contemplating, affirming, writing, and talking about it. And then here lies the disconnect. One day last year, I came across several old journals chronicling my past lives. And while reading them, I noticed a common theme immediately. And it was in that moment I felt like I had been hit upside the head with a brick, whilst being told you should have had a V8 shit. I was hit with a heavy dose of enlightenment that day. I had written about things in my past that I was still writing about in my present. Let that marinate for a minute. I'm talking about years of my life documented. What we folks today call receipts, okay? I had receipts from a completely different timeline syncing up with the current timeline I was presently existing in. I mean, for years I contemplated, affirmed, wrote, talked about the changes I wanted to make in my life. The places I wanted to see and explore, the dreams I had for my future, the experiences I wanted to have. Shh, Lord, how mercy, the experiences alone. I can think of so many things that I have always wanted to do, always wanted to try. For several years, that was all I did. Talk about it. Do y'all see where I'm going with this? Does it sound familiar? For years, all I did was run my mind and run my mouth about all my desires and did not move my feet. Oh, don't get it twisted. Many attempts were made several times, in fact, but there was never any what flick of the wrist at the end. You hear me? Like some of y'all jumpers. There was no follow through. Okay, y'all, I apologize. I must confess that I'm feeling really vulnerable right now. And when I get that way, I tend to combat it with wit. In my mind, I am already editing this out. But that wouldn't be unfiltered, would it? Hence the name of the podcast. But back to it. It was within that very moment that the smoke was lifted from my mind's eye, and I instantly knew that it had and has always been me blocking my way. That it was me versus me, not me versus my pain, not me versus my trauma, or me versus those that had harmed me, tried to take me out. I was the one blocking the way to my growth and development. I had to stop using my past, my health, my relationships and situationships as an excuse to stay stuck in the mess that was my life. And my life, well, I like to call to myself at least a lifetime movie network life. I can see the adaptation to film and the written word in my mind's eye right now. From childhood sexual trauma, attempted murder, kidnapping, suicide attempts, to the deterioration of physical and mental health. Man, I'm sure there's some other things that I'm missing, but you know, you get the idea. We all have a testimony, and my life has seen its share. I also came to the realization that throughout it all, I was not only being my worst critic, but my worst bully as well. I had stunted my growth. Maybe one day I'll get raw enough with you to take you through that wormhole to a different time and place. It's a pretty dark timeline, though. And I don't quite know if my listeners are ready for that level of revelation and vulnerability. I did just jump into this podcast community, no hands. So we will just have to see. But anyway, I want to bring the last few years or so into focus. Oh, let's see. Well, I was unable to walk or stand up for any good length of time. I had to sit down to wash dishes and to cook for my family. Getting in and out of the tub took a fucking act of Congress. And if you don't know what I mean, I suggest you go watch C-SPAN sometime, and maybe then you'll get my point. Yeah, I was and still am in a constant state of pain that is either tolerable or intolerable. There are never any gray areas when it comes to pain in me. I live with pain. Pain is my all-day, everyday stalker, literally. I had and have still several different specialists on my so-called quote-unquote healthcare team. One would think that they would be in communication with each other, take a holistic approach. But as my mama would say, that's too much like riot. Well, I ended up on two conflicting medications that had severe and in some cases fatal side effects. And that almost killed me. I basically overdosed on serotonin and ended up with another specialist to add to my stellar all-star healthcare team, a cardiologist. Oh, yes, most definitely. The pharmaceutical industry is going to be a hot topic on this podcast, yes indeed. But moving along, I had also experienced a medication weight gain that left me at my heaviest weight to date. 398 pounds. Okay, fuck it. Let's just round that shit up and keep it real and say that a bitch was 400 pounds. Real talk. I mean, looking back at pictures from that timeline, I didn't just look fat, I looked swollen. My body was filled to the brim with inflammation. I recall visiting my grandmother's one day, and there was family gathered all throughout the house. I no longer recall the occasion, but what I do remember and always will recall is going up to one of my uncles, happy to see him, and say hello. And the first thing he said to me was, Damn, why your face swole like that? And it was not said quietly. Imagine, y'all. Just imagine how the quality of my life changed and the effect it had on my mental health. It had completely switched up on me. In my mind, I had entered an alternate reality. In my mind, I knew that there had to be a glitch in the matrix. It was a reality I did not wish to accept. Once a social butterfly, I was now the turtle. I hid my head inside its shell and buried myself as deep as I could under the sand. I became introverted and reclusive to the point of isolation. For years, I didn't go anywhere. I didn't do anything. I only got dressed if I had to. And if you caught me outside, it was only because I was forced to be outside for appointments and shit, like getting the kids to and from school or whatnot. And when COVID hit, that didn't do anything but help lay cement on top of the hole I had voluntarily placed myself in. I peripherally interacted with my community. Some folks even thought I moved. And if they weren't in my immediate family and circle, let's just say they were peripheral too. Mentally, I was in a cold, dark, and ugly place, utterly alone. No one truly knew the battle for my mind that was being fought all day, every day. Literally, nonstop. From one breath to the next, I was in a battle for my life. Shit. Okay. Everyone had their thoughts and opinions about me and my situation, but none of them came close to the meat of it. None of them even came close to truly empathizing with me. Instead, I was hit with a lot of judgment, miseducation, and sometimes flat out hostility, as if what was happening to me was by my design somehow. And I could just magic erase my ass right up out of it. Majority could only see the effects, never the cause. All I can say is that depression is real, y'all. And it had had me in a chokehole. But getting back to that aha moment, that moment of enlightenment that I had found in the pages of my old journals, I realized that I had to control my emotions and not allow my emotions to control me. Easier said than done, right? We've all heard that before. But what no one tells you is what that shit looks like in real time. It was something that I had to become knowledgeable about on my own, knowing for thyself. Through many trials and errors, it took me literally and figuratively getting naked with myself about everything I had come to believe about myself, about the toxicity I allowed to poison my mind with. The negative self-talk, it was target number one. Y'all, there was a point in my life where I didn't even look at myself in the mirror, not even to brush my teeth. So disgusted I was with the image staring back at me, I kept my eyes averted. Have you ever listened to yourself talk to yourself? Those thoughts we become. I had to start thinking about what I was thinking about and then determine if it was helpful or harmful. The toxicity starts and ends with me. After coming to all of these realizations, my isolation then transformed into what I like to call a stasis. It was during the start of my metamorphosis that a decision was made to live and to do so intentionally despite all the shit that was happening in my life, or continue down the road of self-hate, dark thoughts, and depression. So I made a choice. I began to intentionally work on my mental and physical health. I changed how I spoke to and what I thought about myself. I decided to fix my energy and start manifesting positive outcomes with my words and actions. I basically went hard in the pain against my biggest enemy, myself. Fast forwarding to this current timeline, though, as of today, as of this moment, I am down 143 pounds. Now that's awesome in itself. But your girl is now in need of donations for a much-needed tummy tuck to help with all this loose skin and extra fat that's hanging. I ain't playing. Okay, no, seriously though, for real. My mind has wanted to veer left of center into negative territory when looking in the mirror several times. But because I put in the work to retrain and condition my thought process and created an entire new belief system for myself, I was able to kick that body dysmorphia to the curb. Now, don't get me wrong, there are still days where I get down or don't feel good about my appearance. The difference now is that I give myself grace and mercy. Listen, myself, I give myself grace and mercy. Every time I turn away from that line of negative thinking, my response time is shutting that shit down. And it's getting faster and faster. And I celebrate that achievement. One day I manifest that it will become muscle memory. I won't have to work so hard at redirecting my thoughts, if at all, to banish toxic thoughts and feelings. As of today, I can now examine my body in the mirror. And what I see, I see first the light within the shell. It precedes me. And that is what's pure and beautiful. That this body, no matter how it looks to the beholder, is not an indication of my worth and value as a woman, as a human being. I'm learning to love myself and recognize my own unique brand of dopeness. I'm fucking dope. I'm awesome, y'all. And if you ain't rocking with me in my mind, it's not because something is wrong with me. It's because something's wrong with you. Man, I swear, I have a beautiful mind and spirit. I have a Colgate smile, amazing skin, these lips with or without lip gloss, they popping. These big ass legs, they ain't never going nowhere, and that's what's up. They, along with my back, are strong and they take me wherever I want to go. Like a nine-hour solo drive to Florida, for example. Yeah, I did that back in September. My energy is a whole entire vibe, and that's facts. Although never necessary, it feels good when it's confirmed. Every day I go out into my community and have random interactions with strangers who immediately mention my energy and how it makes them feel. I am coming to appreciate my spirit more so than its shell. But I still want that tummy tuck though. Today, y'all, I can walk and stand up whenever I want for a healthy length of time. I no longer have to sit to wash dishes or to cook for my family. I took control over my healthcare team and started educating myself about the pharmaceutical industry and our government. That year of transformation I mentioned in the beginning, I emerged from it a new being. I poked my head out of its shell and decided to taste the air. I must say, y'all, I am so happy to be here. On the other side of my mental and physical health journey, I am constantly learning so much about myself, the universe, and how my relationship to it affects every aspect of my life. So, excuse me, this is. Raw and unfiltered, but we're gonna get it together. So, how in the midst of all these life changes did the idea to create a podcast come to be? Let's start with the title. Mamba is short for black Mamba 98, which is my Xbox Live gamer tag, y'all. Yes, I am a gamer who loves to play and stream Call of Duty and a host of other games on Twitch. Right now it's just gameplay with voiceover, but I do have the setup to start a stream if I ever chose to go down that road. But I think getting a podcast up and running is enough on my plate for the moment. Black Mamba has a few associations, but none with the late Kobe Bryant. If you ask my nine-year-old, she'll tell you, as she has told many, that it stands for me being black and a mom. But it actually is in reference to the movie Kill Bill, one of my favorites. Originally, it was supposed to be the code name for Vivica Fox's character, but they gave it to Uma Thurman's character instead. There is a little bit of movie trivia for you. It is also the second deadliest snake in the world. I mean, I'm not greedy. I don't have to be number one, you know. And because I'm a grown woman and mother who games, I decided to capitalize the M O M in Black Mamba to signify that yes, you just got shot by somebody's mom. Keeping the name and using it in the podcast community gives me cohesiveness across platforms. So it made sense to continue with it. As for raw and unfiltered, well, I believe it speaks for itself. Keeping it real, like most quips have become trendy to say. But where is the automatic authenticity that should come standard when one is claiming to keeping it real? 100. Instead, we are hit with facades, faux personalities, copy and paste lifestyles. Life often imitates art. And both mass media and current social constructs, they're using our art to wage psychological warfare and keep us in a state of conformity and ignorance. They are a cancer on our society that is only intent on creating a race of sheeple. Yeah, I said it, sheep, you know, people who blindly and easily follow. So, how do we treat cancer? We must excise it from the body and afterwards have it incinerated, right? And even after all of that, the body must be treated with radiation and chemotherapy to help it in its prevention of its re-emergence or to keep it from re-emerging, right? Cancer is that serious, it is relentless now. Apply all that to the world we live in. Can you see how rapidly humanity is deteriorating? How we are de-evolving in our interactions with ourselves and others, how it has infected even the youngest of minds among us, the next generation to lead us. I mean, didn't a six-year-old recently take a gun to school and shoot his teacher? Come on, family. So concerned we are with celebrity news, social media beefs, murder, murder, kill, kill lifestyles, and vanity. We aren't seeing the true world around us and its rapid trajectory towards dangerous territory. It's happening lightning fast, and I don't know many people who are ready for that eventuality. That is one of the purposes of this podcast. Not only do I want to provide a safe space for people to be their authentic selves, I want to also help restore our faith in humanity and help create ways to see us have more quality and higher vibrational interactions with each other. It all starts with being raw and unfiltered in our thought processes, honest and transparent. Now, at first I just wanted to create something personal and private for my three girls for posterity, a customizable blueprint for life using an unedited thought process on any and every subject that they may encounter while playing in this game called Life. I wanted to have a way to help pilot them through the good and bad times in their life, even if my soul had left this realm. To leave them with the voice of their mother and her isms was a beautiful idea to me. But after sharing the concept with a friend, I was told that they found it selfish to only share the blueprint with my children, that there are children out there growing up without a parent like me, and can use it, tailor it, and apply it to their lives, that they also need and deserve access to people who are willing and ready to pour into them. If not me, then who? I mean, we say it takes a village to raise a child, but look at our villages and ask yourself if you won't want its assistance in raising yours. The answer was a firm no for me. So I re-examined my vision and re-rocked it. But for adults, I still have an amazing project in development, specifically tailored for my young minds, and I can't wait to get that project up and running. One of my passions is for people. I simply love people. I love helping or just being a beacon of light to a random stranger. I don't know why I'm this way. This question has plagued me all my life. There was a time I resented my love for people. It had begun to feel like a curse. But what I didn't realize at the time was the dark places I found myself in when that why I am the way I am existential type question would pop up in whole court in my mind. It was too dark and murky to understand and accept who I was during those times. I have since stopped asking myself that question and have come to accept my passion for people as it is, a gift. And I take my gifts seriously. Those in real life can attest to that. And no, I say this with my chest because it has repeatedly been the general consensus that my passion for making others feel good and have quality interactions with me is me compensating for maybe not feeling good about myself or treating people how I secretly want it to be treated, type psychoanalyzing bullshit like that. I've been this way for as long as I can remember. This is not that. But people choose to believe what they will, and I let them. From maximum security juvenile detention centers to domestic abuse safe houses, I have worked for and with several diverse groups of people. Deciding to create a podcast that promises to deliver a heavy shot of authenticity and genuinity, straight up, no chaser, is my way of helping people the same way that I helped myself. Mamba Raw and Unfiltered is my labor of love to the world, to you. It is also my therapy. Whatever the format, whether monologue like today, a guest interview or audience participation, I can guarantee that each episode will deliver content with unedited thoughts on any and every subject that affects our everyday lives. Sounds good, right? Then go ahead and subscribe. I hope that I was successful in painting a picture of who you'll be following down the rabbit hole with. If you decided to rock with a sister, please do me a solid and help make this show a success. You can do that first by subscribing to the podcast on your favorite streaming services. Mamba Raw and Unfiltered is officially streaming on all platforms.

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Yes.

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So pick your favorite or all of them. That way you will never miss out on when new content is released. After that, you know what to do. Go like, follow, and share this podcast on all of your social media platforms. Blow it up. You can find the links to the podcast's social media accounts, websites, and all other anciliary information below. Once there, please be kind and leave your very own raw and unfiltered review of the podcast. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts, questions, opinions, andor suggestions for content you would like to hear discussed in future episodes. I'm open to it all. And if you aren't a big fan of social media, I'm using WhatsApp to connect with listeners too. That number is also provided. The official official date for Mamba Raw and Unfiltered's first podcast will be on dun dun dun Friday, February 10th. Why? I guess because three years ago that day, I decided to lock my hair. It was a pivotal time in my life, so naturally it made sense, to me at least, to attach the debut of this podcast to the same day. It also just so happens to be a real sister's true born day. I consider my born day to be the official new year. So why not start my day off proper and let this project run loose? Who knows what we will be talking about here on Mamba Raw and Unfiltered on that day next year? What an amazing thing to think about. After the launch, you can expect new episodes every Monday evening to start and surprise bonus content like impromptu phone calls sprinkled randomly throughout the month. Thank you guys sincerely for tuning in and in advance for your support of the podcast. We are manifesting. Until February tenth, be good, be safe, and stay healthy. Peace.