The Purge

What you are about to hear is a raw uncut view of what purging toxicity looks like in real-time. So many people repeat, "Fix your energy," but without context or a how-to. Do they truly know what energy means or how to "fix" it?
Take a trip with me down the rabbit hole and witness The Purge.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:27

I gotta have the surgery to deliver you a message of personal life. I thank you so much for tuning in. And I suggest you strap in before jumping down this rabbit hole with me. Because it's gonna be a bumpy ride. So sit back, relax, spark one up, and listen as I purge some shit. Guess what? I love you. You're sleeping. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh no, I'm sorry. Yeah, don't talk too much then. It's okay. I gotta have surgery tomorrow. And I was just, this is like my last day that I have to get my mind right to, you know, deal with the pain afterwards. Yeah, always it sucks. It's like anticipating. I know what's coming. I know the kind of pain I'm gonna be in. And I know I'm not gonna have no medicine that's gonna help. So I have to suck that shit up, you know. I have to suck, I have to swallow it, literally swallow it. I got my kids here, Tiana coming home for the summer officially today. And I gotta prepare my mind to swallow it on top of what I already feel. I'm so tired, Tamika.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

I'm so tired.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

You know I need to purge. You know, oh so much toxic shit in my head. And I just had to get it out there. I just had to get it out so I can breathe and enjoy the rest of this beautiful day.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

I think talk too much.

SPEAKER_00 3:21

I know. I'm talking to you. You know, I'm just knowing that you're listening to me.

SPEAKER_01 3:27

She said my tooth was broken hair. She had to pull one part out and then the second part.

SPEAKER_00 3:33

What?

SPEAKER_01 3:34

What did that happen? You know when I got the same feelings from when I was a kid.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

Oh, it's me, could be. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Will it break your teeth?

SPEAKER_00 3:49

I don't think I've had any feelings. I didn't have feelings when I were a kid. I don't think I never really I didn't get cavities.

SPEAKER_01 3:58

I had feelings.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Yeah. I looked out in that department.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Okay, really. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

I love you. Your medication. What have you what they got you on?

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Lower tab 7.5.

SPEAKER_00 4:21

Lower tab 7.5. What? Did they give you some antibiotics? You got some oral rinse you gotta do, some oral antibiotics? Okay. Well, get you some relief, and if not, take Tylenol and ibuprofen together. Can you take ibuprofen? Or no? Check into that before. Yeah, make sure I'll research that and let you know if it's I don't know with an open and stuff like that. I'm not quite sure. So yeah. Just in case. No ibuprofen.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

I love you too. I'll check on you later. All right, sweetheart. Bye-bye. I love my sister. Even she in pain, and she just took the time to just let me get some out my system. Y'all don't understand what I go through, what I gotta prepare my mind for. And this is ugly. This is what it looks like for me. I don't know what it looks like for y'all. But this is what it looks like for me. This is my process. This is what I have to do to fix my energy and get my mind right. To store up my mental firewalls, you know, to prepare for war. I'm preparing for war, y'all. This is a war, and this ain't, you know, this is a battle. This is just one battle of many. You know, some I've lost, some I've won. I was taught by a mentor a long time ago that it's not about how many battles you lose. It's not how many battles you win. It's about who wins the war. Shit. I mean, if that's going over your head, people. How about this example? 300. The movie. 300. Sparta. Okay. The movie. Apocalypto.

unknown 6:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:23

What other movies can you think of that resonates with you in a way that tells you you have to fight your demons head on. That you have to get out your shot glasses and make a toast to them motherfuckers. And tell them thank you for how necessary they are in your life. Because without them mentally you wouldn't be prepared to deal with the shit that you're going through. To deal with the shit the world is throwing at you. Okay. That people toxic ass people with the internet trolls. Copy and paste. Full personality plastic ass. I digress. It's growth. This is what my growth looked like. This was so impromptu. It truly was because it wasn't my intention to to even keep recording or even recording this. It just it just came on me, you know, to do so. I wanted to record how ugly it is for me when I'm facing what I'm facing. I want it on record. I want to see what that shit looks like in real time. I cannot wait to edit this and hear myself speak and purge and have a visual, a audio, an audio visual, if you know what I mean. I can see it in my head, myself physically throwing up this ugly shit up out of me, about in my head, about my body, getting it out. Get the fuck out of me. Relocate. You cannot stay here. I cannot allow myself to fall back, y'all. I cannot allow myself. I cannot allow myself to go back to that dark place. And people who may suffer from depression know what I mean. It affects us all differently. It looks different, but you know, it's all the same. We know what it looks like. At the worst time in my life, I think it was from the years 98 to 2004. And that was some of the worst years of my life. And I recall the stress that I was under 19 with a baby. I'm a baby, a baby in the game, a baby to the world. Don't know nothing about men, don't know nothing about credit, money, finances, taxes, don't know nothing about shit. I was new to the world, a fledgling adult. Young and tender, naive, so naive. Easy prey. Easy prey. But that's a story for another time. I'm not going there today. Not on this day. Today, today I'm focused. And see, just that quick, you know. See this. That's how the mind works. It diverts your thoughts to something else. Just that quick. And just that quick, you gotta recognize that shit and shut that shit down immediately. Don't play with it. Don't entertain the thoughts that come in your mind that don't that no longer serve you purpose, that no longer belongs there. Unless you're using that ball of toxicity and past trauma and hurt and pain and resentment and bitterness, unless you're balling all that shit up to use, to throw back at the enemy in the form of your testimony to help not only heal you, but heal someone else, leave that shit where it belongs. It is dead. Do not hold yourself in bondage to shit you no longer have to deal with anymore, to shit you've overcome, that you no longer have in your life anymore, that you had the presence of mind to get away from. And if you haven't, listen to me. Everybody got choices. That's the motto in this household. Everybody got choices. You are actively choosing to remain in your toxic ass situations, people. Stop rationalizing it, stop making excuses for it. Take some accountability and acknowledge. Acknowledge your part, your part in what the hell is going on around you, the people you talk to and interact with, the energy and the vibes that you put out in the world that's being reciprocated back to you, boomerang style. Karma is a very, very bad bitch. And a lot of y'all got so much of it coming at you that you don't know what to do. Other than say, oh, whoa is me. Why me? Why is this happening to me? I don't deserve this. And X, Y, and Z. Everything but you. We all heard that we make our beds and we lie in them. A lot of y'all ain't making y'all beds. You still layin' in them. You ain't getting up out of them. You just laying there, stagnant, complacent, immobile, treading, treading the water, staying just above the surf. Too scared to drown. And damn too scared to fucking get your ass to safety. You stuck in indecision. Another thing my mother told me, God is not the author of confusion. If you find yourself indecisive about situations, you need to ask yourself in the first place, why in the hell are you so indecisive? You should already know what you need to do. In fact, nine times out of ten, you already know what you need to do, but you're ignoring it. You're in denial and you're what I like to call irrationally rationalizing situations to fit your narratives, your wants, your desires, your needs, your fetishes, whatever the hell have you. It all comes back around to you, Boo. You versus you. I talk about this often. Me versus me, this war I'm in, my personal battles, my personal demons that I'm choosing to walk with and share with the world. Because y'all need some help. Y'all need some healing. Y'all need to face it. I'm gonna do my part to help. And this is the only way that I know how right now, but but the universe loves me, and I know that after 200 downloads, and the fact that my voice has traveled across the world to the Mecca region, to Saudi Arabia, to Africa, to the Philippines, to all the continents. Let's just say that the UK, all in the United States, somebody is listening to me. I'm getting personal messages, text messages, DMs from people that are who appreciate the authenticity, the rawness, the realness, the shit that that people don't want to show you. They want to tell you how. Fix your energy, let your energy be your energy, energy, energy. I don't have to read a book on energy to understand that you don't know what the hell you're talking about. Y'all talk about energy all day. That's the trend now. Vibe and energy. Those are the two words I see every day. And grand rising. Nobody knowing the history behind those sayings, nobody understanding what high vibrational means, what energy actually means. But I digress. We ain't talking about that either. Not today. That's just another distraction, to be honest. I can't worry. I can't worry about dropping gems and people not picking them up. I can't worry about it. Those those who need them are finding them. And I'm so thankful because that's all that matters. That's all that matters to me. It's not numbers, it's not a numbers game. It's a each one teach one game. It's is help your brother. It's help your sister without motive, other than elevation. That's it. Other than promotion. That's it. We too busy out here worried about a man. See, I'm gonna get to preach and I ain't gonna do it. Not today. I know that I was discussing what depression looks like and how that can manifest in us differently. And when I was stressed beyond point, the hair in the top of my head broke off. That's where my stress manifested. It was so short. I was going, I wasn't going bald, it was just broken off. It was literally like a patch in the middle of my head. I recall days where I wanted to kill myself where I attempted to kill myself and it just never, it wouldn't work. When I actually tried and attempted to commit suicide, it did not work. It did not work. I felt so bad at the time. I felt so unworthy at the time. I I sucked so bad in my head that darkness was, that pit was so oily and black, y'all. The fact that I thought I was so worthless that I couldn't even kill myself. That's how worthless I was. That I I deserved the hell that I was going through because that's what I was designed to be. The condition in I was put under by a predator. We definitely need to have a discussion about healthy relationships and domestic violence and the long-term effects that can have on you, your mental health, and your children. Your children. But once again, I digress. It manifests in different ways. Some of us won't comb our hair, won't shave our legs, won't take a bath, won't get dressed, won't eat, overeat. Some of us go find love in the club, you know, sleeping with anybody and everybody just not to feel empty inside. Some of us drink smoke. Drink and smoke. A zip and a double cup, you know. Some of us snort, some of us shoot. We all have our vices, people. I don't begrudge nobody's vices. I don't drug shame. I don't alcohol shame. I don't shame, shame. We all got choices. We out here choosing every day. And we make our choices for a reason. Everybody choosing. For a reason. Your choices right now. What you you woke up today. You chose to get out of bed. Some of you, I hope, chose to brush your teeth this morning. You know? You making choices every day, people. Where you going, who you calling, who you talking to, how you spending your downtime, who you spending it with. We making choices every single day, all day long. At the end of the day, it's about making good choices. Intentional good choices. And it starts with you. It starts with your mental health. It starts getting real, ugly, naked, and raw with yourself. Put it out there. Put a name to it. Name it for what it is. So now that you can see it. That's what I had to do today. I had to get that shit out of me so that I can see it for what it is. All fucking lies. I know who I am. People think I'm crazy when I tell them I don't belong here on this timeline. That this world, this timeline, don't deserve me. I'm too pure. I'm too good. Too good. I'm too good. Too fucking good that people automatically either love me or hate me on site. Shout out to yesterday's internet troll. Oh my God. Fat shaming me and everything. Ratchet on the internet with it. Just it was ugly. The personality behind that, you know, I can't imagine what it takes. The rage, the hurt, the pain, the ugliness inside somebody to actually get on a public forum, a promotional page for someone they claim to love and care for, and just act completely ignorant. When I looked at the message, y'all, that was left on Facebook the other day, the first thought that came to mind was an IG post, a little quick reel, with these interviews of these celebrities that be talking about they love to get pissed on and they love to get shitted on by men and and how that shit's trendy now. And you know, it's you know, that's women empowerment, that's boldness, you know. That's what they associated it with. Do your thing. But that's what came to mind. You know, the the just the boldness of it. That's what it looked like to me. And everybody got their opinion, but that, you know, it is what it is. That just I couldn't get down with that, you know, on a moral and ethical level. So no, I couldn't get down with somebody pissing and shitting on me and all that shit like that. And I know R. Kelly, like, wow. Yeah, internet troll fat shaped me the other day, I guess, in an attempt to hurt my feelings. Out of a genuine age. Genuine request to help her fix her energy. And that's still an open door policy. Nah, matter of fact, it ain't. That's closed. Nah. Matter of fact, I take that back. I reneged that. Yeah, that door's closed. Listen to the podcast, sis. That's all I can say. Don't the Bible say don't cast your pearls among swine? It's not my fault. You can't recognize sunshine, honey. It's not my fault. You can't recognize genuinity, authenticity when you see it, sis. You had a unicorn in your vicinity, but you couldn't see past your toxicity and your insecurities and the generational curses that's that's surrounding you, obviously, that got you out here as a black professional woman. Acting ignorant on the internet, sis. That's about all the time I'ma spend on that. Because that's all the energy I'm gonna give you on that, sis. Listen to the podcast, get you some healing anytime. But it but it won't be in my DM. That's for sure. But peace out to your boy. Still gonna support 100 because that's just how good I am. Never gonna hate on another brother who I didn't mind putting in my time and energy to help put stuff together and promote before I was even promoting myself. Only out of love and genuine support for another brother that was helping me learn things that I didn't know about this podcast industry. And I'm helping him learn things as I'm learning things that he ain't had the opportunity to learn. But you fucked all that up. Y'all can have all that over there. Like I said, I don't do ratchet. Anyway, check Facebook if y'all are interested. Hell, it ain't shit. But anyway, find out what it truly means to fix your energy for you. Put a name on it, face it, acknowledge it. Don't hide from it. Get it out. Talk to somebody. Go get you some professional help. Find you a true support system that's not out here judging you, throwing their opinions on you as facts. Get people in your ear that's trying to help you, motivate you, elevate you, that bring peace in your life. If they ain't bringing you peace, they got to go. They can't come with you. They not peaceful. They in themselves can't bring peace because they are not peaceful. They are psychic vampires. They are sucking the life right along out of you, and you are allowing it. You're allowing it. Cut the plug. Dead that shit. Let these people, toxic ass people in situations that's no good for you go. Stop making excuses. Stop making excuses today. Shit. I'm going under anesthesia tomorrow. That's a dangerous in itself. I don't care if I'm my surgery is 10 minutes or two hours. It's fucking invasive all the same. I'm getting cut into tomorrow. And I'm being forced. I'm being forced by circumstance in a prior neglectful assed fucking medical system to deal with the pain without opioids because opioids don't work on my body, y'all. They don't work on me. Perk, pop a perk, perk 30, perk 60 don't work on me. I can eat that shit like candy and it does nothing. It might mute. Maybe a little. I'm not about to damage my organs. Taking more than I have to, than I should have to to get rid of pain. The most I can do is Tylenol and ibuprofen. And even then it gets to where I'm like, why? What's the point? So six, seven surgeries. I got my hip surgery. I got my hip surgery coming June 5th. That's gonna be a big one. I am worried about that the most. And I think that's the biggest ass battle to come. I think that's my test. I can't say it's the final test. I never say never, but I know that's a that's a doozy right there, y'all. I don't know. I'm gonna have to have some serious conversations with my neurologist and my other healthcare specialists, because my surgeons, you know, awesome surgeons that they are. People just don't seem to believe me when um I tell them, you know, about my relationship with opioids. I mean, my rheumatologists and my neurologists know, but they aren't my surgeons. So I'ma definitely have to get and tap in with them so we can get some shit on record. And that's how y'all do that shit. If in the future y'all need to, there's some free game, y'all. Okay, listen up. There's some free game, y'all. People, if ever you have to apply for disability for the government for any reason, you know, you never know what might happen to you for any reason. You're not going to get disability if you don't have medical records. I'm talking detailed medical records that show a history, just like credit and credit cards or just getting credit. You need to show credit history. Well, guess what? You need to have documented history of what's going on with you. You are entitled to know what's in your medical records. If you're talking to your doctors and you're telling them stuff and they're diagnosing you with something, make sure they're writing this stuff down in their medical records, in your medical records. You can get them anytime you want to. When you go visit a doctor, and if you don't know about HIPAA, look into it. But yeah, you need detailed documented medical history. Okay? So make sure that you and your doctors are in consensus about your conditions, what may or may not be going on with you, because you don't have to trust what they tell you either. You can go get second opinions or you can talk to other people as well. But do your own research about your own situations and just don't blindly trust your doctors either. That's a whole nother conversation. The testimonies, y'all, to come. Lord, I gotta get it together. I'm gonna get up off of here. I got a day to enjoy. How did you enjoy your trip? Please let me know. Check below to access links associated with the podcast. Go there and be sure to subscribe, download, like, share, and follow the podcast on all of your social media platforms. I really would love to engage with you and maybe even discuss your very own run unfiltered thoughts. So tap in and check me out, and be sure to hit me up and let me know what those are. Stay strong, my beautiful people. Be good, be safe, stay healthy, and don't forget to drink your water. Peace.