The Breaking Point: Survive to Thrive, A Personal Testimony of Healing

What you are about to hear is a beautiful conversation with Life and Relationship Coach, Ninnie Alicie. On this call, Ninnie shares her personal testimony and how she pushed her pain into purpose.

Originally, this episode was supposed to be about Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NDP), but when two strangers meet to connect on a deeper level, some conversations take on a life of their own.

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Survive to Thrive: Women's Entrepreneurs Uprising
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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:24

Hello, kings and queens. It's your favorite girl, Black Mamba, back with more higher vibrational content that promises to feed your mind and spirit. Did you miss me? I know I miss being here and doing this too, but life been life and in the Mambaron and Filtered podcast had to take an unscheduled hiatus in order to complete some new projects that popped up, like the new web page, blog, spoken word EP, digital magazine writer. Oh my gosh, there's gonna be interviews of music artists coming along and administrative duties along two of the dopest ladies I have met in the virtual realm, K-Globe MC and Shera George. Shout out to you. Yes, I am an administrator with these two dope ladies of a fresh new podcast community on Facebook, Podcast Networking Collective, an intentional space created with authentic hallmarks of community and designed organically for authentic creators of like mine. So, as you can see, although the podcast was on standby, your girl was not idle, and we know the potential dangers of idle hands, idle minds. I'm pressing in, y'all, and I cannot wait to see what's in store for me next. I have fallen in love with creation. Who knew? God did. Hey. So, I thank you sincerely for still rocking with me and tuning in tonight or today, depending on where you are in the world. So, without further ado, allow me to share a beautiful conversation I had with another dope soul who actually found her way to me via the virtual realm. Nini Alasy, life and relationship coach. On this phone call, we were to be discussing the overusage of the word narcissism and the differences between having narcissistic traits versus having a true narcissistic personality disorder, but our conversation took on a life of its own, and this here is the result. So sit back, relax, and prepare to jump down the rabbit hole with your girl. See you on the other side. I am here with Nene. I want people first and foremost to know before we deep dive into the conversation that we're gonna have today, me and Nini do not know each other. We've only interacted minimally, you know, as people do online and social media circles here on Facebook. She found me. I still don't know how. She'll have to tell me about that, but she actually found my podcast and connected with me and sent me a request. And I'm so glad that she did. So this will actually be our first time connecting in a real meaningful way outside of social media. And we're doing this today to discuss an overused word for narcissist narcissism. She has created a Facebook community to discuss this very topic, but to empower women. It's not solely men. Even though statistics say that I believe right now, what is it? 7.7% of men have this personality disorder compared to the 4.8% of women, but that usually we associate it with men. We don't hear a lot about narcissistic women, bosses, friends. It does go across the board, but for the purpose of our conversation, we'll be focusing on women and how interacting with people who are narcissists in our lives, how that's affected us in our personal journeys, in our personal walks. I don't know what all she'll discuss, but definitely red flags, how to identify someone with not necessarily the personality disorder, because we do have people that have narcissistic tendencies and traits, but to identify a what they call a true narcissist. So I like to introduce Nini. Nene, thank you so much for coming to Mom Baron and Filter just to chop it up with me. I'm so happy that you're here. First, if you don't mind, tell me who you are, what you're doing, and how you connected with Mombaran and Filter Podcast.

SPEAKER_01 5:37

Okay, first of all, you're welcome and thank you. Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited. Happy Sunday. Happy Sunday. Let's see. I don't even know where to start, to be honest. I I didn't prepare because, like you said, if you live it, you don't need to prepare, bro.

SPEAKER_00 5:50

Right? I didn't don't feel bad. I didn't prepare either. I'm sitting here and I'm like, uh, let me jot down real quick everything that I want us discuss. I'm like, give me 10 minutes. Like, literally, it was down to the wire, sis. I don't know why I do this to myself. Pressure bills, diamonds, though.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

I started to say sometimes we perform better under pressure. It's like I gotta do this.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 6:13

Well, how we connected, it's kind of goes back a little bit. And here's why. A year ago, myself becoming a coach was not even in the spectrum for me. I was in direct sales, and by day I'm a medical biller for the VA. So then, let's see, just doing my work, I was as a pure market consultant, helping women with sexual health and in the bedroom, etc. Okay, and then my true goal and purpose on this earth is to write and speak to impact others. Did not know where that was going at all. Then in July, I met a guy online. His name is James, he's a business coach, and I went to his free webinar or whatever masterclass, and I was like, I'm on board. I can be a coach, I can help people, I've been helping people my whole life. This is what I'm doing. So to connect with you, what I was doing is connecting with women in groups, anybody, just to help women. And I think you and I were in a maybe a toxic relationship. We have a similar group in common. I don't even know which one it is, to be honest. And so I sent you a friend request and we just hit it off. Like I feel like we're becoming friends, like on the real. Right. Like I said, I want to meet you in person sometime and hug your neck. Um, I'm a hugger.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

You can tell a lot about people by the way that they hug you. There are so many different kinds of hugs out there: the side hug, the halfway hug. And you can definitely tell when a hug is genuine and when it's not. I'll just say that. I love to hug people too. You are not alone there.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Well, mine's gonna be full on, and my hands are gonna connect on your back, and I'm gonna go like, oh, so happy to see you.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

I can't wait for that. And I think once again, that's a good purpose for our virtual realities that we're making as we move further and further into the virtual realm, and people are less and less connecting in the physical world that we learn how to connect and cultivate relationships with the people that we are interacting with in our virtual spaces, especially if you have shared missions. I love to collect people with these dope personalities on these dope missions that are human-based, that are just based on being better humans. And that's my mission. So when I see my mission in alignment with someone else's mission, that makes me want to not only connect with them, but cultivate a relationship with them so that if one day we do get to meet in the physical world, it will be like nothing because we've already laid down the groundwork. The physical world is just putting a stamp on it and saying, like, hey, we made this official, official.

SPEAKER_01 8:55

Yes, same. I'm excited.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Right? Look, I'm crazy. Everybody knows that. We gravitate towards our people, right? Exactly. As we should attract a little crazy to me, obviously. No judgment, no judgment this way. So you found the podcast and you sent me a friend request, you actually did listen to the content. I appreciate you for that, and you always leave very thoughtful reviews. So I do appreciate that. Tell me, since we did were moving around the same circles as far as groups and communities that we connected with on Facebook, tell me a little bit about your community, its purpose, and its goal. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:43

I also want to add, um we also had a mutual friend, Erica. I used to work with her in office, and I think she's in your gaming community.

SPEAKER_00 9:52

Okay, okay, that's what's up.

SPEAKER_01 9:54

So I forgot about that. I forgot about that.

SPEAKER_00 9:56

Shout out to Erica.

SPEAKER_01 9:59

I am working towards be a full-time coach. Yes, I want to monetize that so that can just be what I do full-time. Okay, but not to just try to make money, but so I can help more people.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

You know, it costs money to do things. People forget that. When we start, and not only just to live, but to port into the vision that you have. When you want to take things to a higher level, those things do cost money. So I don't like for people to think that you're trying to monetize their pain or monetize their trauma or, you know, monetize their testimony when that is surely not the case.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

I'm sure there's there's some people out there that want to do that.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 10:36

Exactly. Right. But I just want to live so I can help her. Does that make sense? That's it. That's all I want. Yeah. So, anyways, I got hooked up with this business acquisition coach to like teach me all the things that I could afford. And I was like, you know what? This is the right time, and I'm full force in. So I start working with him. And he's like, you know, before you start getting coaching clients, he says it's a lot more work, but you could create a free group to start connecting with these people if you want. I said, sign me up, sign me up. What do I need to do?

SPEAKER_00 11:03

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

He's like, all right, so, and you know, you're in my group. So the mission behind this, it's surviving to thriving. I want to help women to reclaim their power, and to reclaim your power, you do that by learning to love yourself fully. Like you said, people throw around narcissistic, right? Well, people throw around bipolar and love myself and self-love, just like it's just regular daily terms. Right. And it goes deeper than that.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Right. What I call that toxic positivity. Everybody is fake. So much positivity to share and spread with the world, but there's no real blueprint on how to get to that positive thought that you're sharing. What's the process like? What do people have to go through, accept? All those things that come is so much more than just putting up a positive affirmation or quote or thought or mindset out there. Actually, you know, deep dive behind that, what it takes to get to that point. It's not enough just to tell people about it. Share your experience, your journey. You never know who might be on similar paths or roads or come to similar experiences because we all have experience, right? But um, there's levels, it's relative to each of us. It doesn't minimize just because we may have been through similar experiences to different degrees, doesn't minimize my experience because yours seem worse than mine, so to speak. I hate comparing war wounds. Like, okay, well, you went through this. Well, look what I went through. You don't have room to complain or this, this, that, or the other. We all know that life things happen and it could be worse. People say, Oh, life could be worse. Just, you know, you need to get over it or accept this. There's people starving in Africa, there's people living on the streets. You know, they all find little anecdotal things to say to minimize your experience. What I go through is relative to me, it's my experience, it's my pain, it's my response to that pain. And a lot of that goes deeper. It goes to genetics, it goes to upbringing, it goes to trauma that may have been inflicted in some way, shape, or form in your life. It can be a lot of different factors that lead us to respond in ways. So I love to say, don't compare your war wounds. You know, find inspiration where you can find it. Find those people that want to dive deep, like Nini, who are creating spaces to target and help coach women specifically on what I assume is what kind of coach are you? A life coach, or what kind of coach do you consider yourself to be? See, honestly, I want to say general life coach, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:45

But I feel like I'm a relationship coach.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

And not to help you with outer relationships, but just a relationship with yourself, which is the most important one that you can possibly have. And the most important one that you can put love into, right? Here's the problem with myself that I have found. And I'm I'm good at reading people, right? And I can see how they perceive me at times. I do sound toxically positive, but it's because I have lived it, okay? Can I tell you a little bit about where this journey started? So, like in 2016, I had the most toxic relationship of my life. Okay, and it started with my father when I was a kid. That's something else I tell people. Most of us have our first toxic relationship with our parents, right? And we don't even know it. It is, it is, it's a curse. And if you don't break it, then your kids are gonna leave it and your grandkids are gonna leave it.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Girl, talk about it.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

Yes. So I was living it, the toxic, and looking back, I realized at some points in my past I was a toxic person. And I can say that it's just truth. But around 2016, I got in this relationship with this guy, the most toxic thing I've ever been in. And I I literally lost who I was. It's so much to explain. I remember one day when we had this really bad episode and he moved out, and I shit you not, or kid you not, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

This is my filter. Let me note a little cliff note right here. Yes, please, please be yourself. It's okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:16

So I shit you not. I was on an extreme manic episode. That's another thing people program bipolar. I am diagnosed bipolar more than once. I'm a manic bipolar. And like once you spiral, anybody that's bipolar knows this, once you spiral on a manic episode, it can go and go. You can almost not be stopped, okay? Unless you have the tools to slow your brain down. Anyway, so one morning I paced my apartment, bedroom to liver and kitchen to back for four and a half hours. I mean, I exhausted myself because I couldn't stop. I didn't I didn't know what to do. I was like, I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do. So it was kind of crazy, right? I go to the doctor and I'm like, I'm losing my shit. I need help. And somewhere in that process, I was like, I'm sick of being the person that I am. Yeah, I don't want to be this anymore. I'm tired of being stressed and negative and being in a relationship and checking their phone and trying to catch them and stuff. You know, that's exhausting. It is.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

And let me interject with there. What made you decide to get help? Because that seems to be the first hurdle. There's so much stigma associated with all these labels, all these diagnoses that we throw out there. And when you said that you were in a manic episode and pacing your apartment for four hours, it reminded me of a news article I read about a woman whose son died from hypothermia. Young boy, might have been three, because she was in a manic episode and she was pushing him outside on the swing for hours and hours in the rain. And I mean, that's to me, that's a testament to just the apathy that we have, the lack of empathy that we have. No one noticed this lady pushing her child in the park for hours, or even noticed, you know, that it may have been weird that she's pushing her child in the rain. And unfortunately, her child passed away. And it seems like even outside herself, but she had to have people, hopefully, prayerfully, in her life. Nobody noticed, nobody tried to help her. What was it that triggered you to get this help? And why should people get help?

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Okay, first of all, I'm over here tearing up. That's so sad. So sad for that baby, and so sad for that woman.

unknown 17:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

And yes, why the hell did somebody not say, Oh wow, something might be wrong? Let me go say, Hey, are you okay? Do you need help?

unknown 17:34

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:34

We're all so disconnected, it makes me sad. Because it really does take a village, and we don't have the village anymore. We don't. Like the village has broken up, we're all alone. So okay. But thank you for sharing that. And anybody that's listening, if you see that, just go say, Hey, you need some help. Sometimes that's all it can take to break in from that episode. Just breaking that whatever you're on. Okay. Well, I had first gotten help or seeing a therapist when I was like 19 because I took an attempt on my life. I had a bottle of pills. Or maybe no, I was 17. Please take that back. I was 17. So through the years, I was just off and on. Maybe a therapist here. Oh, we don't connect. Oh, a therapist here. Oh, I'm fine. I don't have problems. I very clearly had problems.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

That's a whole other podcast. That's a whole other podcast. Right? So jacked up.

SPEAKER_01 18:19

I know, right? But honestly, I had problems, but I didn't know. I just thought, you know, I had my fourth child at 22. I thought I just have too many kids and I'm just stressed, and this is just life. And you were young.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

You were just a baby in the game. I know. You were young. Four kids by the age of 22. That's a lot of pressure. That's a lot of pressure to deal with when you haven't even been properly prepared, haven't properly gone through life. You're still learning about life, people, relationships, parenting, and your young yourself with anything, experience, experience. You get a job. They want experience. You're lucky to get a job with no experience required. You are looking to get experience on that job so that you can possibly move on in your professional life. The same applies to your personal life. Only experience is what prepares you to deal with the world. And what do you do when you don't have world experience? And the experiences leading up to so far has just been traumatic, ugly, painful. That's a lot to deal with for a young mind. I can only imagine.

SPEAKER_01 19:34

It is. Don't want to go down too many rabbit holes, and you can stop me.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

But no, go down as many rabbit holes as you need to. We're just talking it up.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Okay, so if you think we're gonna get back to 2016, but like my stepfather, I love him. He raised me, but he was toxic towards me, very emotionally and verbally abusive, right? Okay, so I had my first child at 16. I was living at home. Me and the dad weren't together. Then at when I was 17, my stepfather and I, we got into an argument on a Saturday. I had no intentions of moving out, had no plans, I had nothing. And because I got tired of being spoken to the way I was spoken to, I said, you know what? I'll leave. Called a friend, I said, Can I stay there? Called another friend. They picked up my stuff. Me and my baby left. Had a baby at 18, had a baby at 19, had a baby at 21.

unknown 20:18

Wow. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

And I never went back. Like, anyways, that's not the part the purpose of this story. But all that to say, like, you know, I I did have mental issues. I needed mental help. I needed mental help as a child looking back.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

And when I got on this journey, like two years ago, I reached out to my mom. And this is not to dog my mom. You know, it was the 80s, you didn't know a lot about mental health. You only need why. Right. Like you didn't know everything.

SPEAKER_00 20:44

All they know is what they knew. You know, grace and mercy for our parents. They grew up in different times. Mine did. My mom was born in 1955. So I can only imagine what she's seen, what she's experienced, and how different life was back then. How different people was back then. And not only that, her generational curses that she may unknowingly have brought into her own life that fell down and rained upon her children. That's how they go. It's not so much their fault because when you know better, you do better. And or when you know better and don't do better, that's something different. So yeah, definitely grace and mercy. You know, our parents could only do so much. They did what they know. And what do people say? If it was good enough for me, it's good enough for my kids. Right. That can come from anything from a spanking to to whatever. But, you know, as we grow and elevate mentally, we our vision, our perspectives change. And unfortunately, a lot of perspectives haven't changed and they're just being passed down. But unfortunately, when they get passed down, they morph and mutate into something worse. So each generation sees a variation. Of a curse, but in a different but more worse way, if that makes sense. It manifests different differently. If we can look at what's manifested in our lives, imagine that being our children. Imagine our children as us. And imagine mentally if they would be able to handle everything that we've been through, everything that we've experienced. It's one of my biggest goals is not only just emotional intelligence. I say this often, but just mental health. It's my biggest, biggest, biggest goal for my children is to be emotionally and mentally ready for their own trials. Because then we all gotta face them. At some point in time, we can't keep our children safe from life. Life be life. People love to say that. Life be life. Yes, it do, but it's how we respond to life's life. That's what makes us successful or not. And yeah, that's a rough start, Mini. That is a rough start. I cannot imagine.

SPEAKER_01 23:03

Well, it's all good. I I feel like it's part of my path. So I'm pleased with everything that's ever happened to me, believe it or not. But no, no hate towards my parents. They did the best they could and they gave me a great life. My mom just didn't get me mental health because she said she just thought I was an angry child, which is understandable. Fast forward, I got a little mental health in 19, 17, 20s. But then in 2016, you know, what is that? Eight years ago. So I'm like 36, and all my kids are almost grown. And I was having that medic episode, and I was like, you know what? I am so sick of this shit. I am so sick of feeling this way. I'm sick of feeling suicidal. I'm sick of hating me. I'm sick of struggling and clawing and trying and having that fox of positivity. Oh, everything will get better. And now I'm like, well, will it, will it get better? It won't unless you make it better.

SPEAKER_02 23:49

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 23:50

So then I really started on my journey. Okay. It didn't start with therapy. It started listening to podcasts and listening to YouTube videos of like the main positive ones. That's really what it went to. Tony Robbins, Les Brown. I'm like, there's a whole bunch of them. But I started listening. And when I would find a voice that I could listen to, because you know, we don't connect with all voices. You hear a voice, and it's like I can't listen to them. That's why I like your podcast too. I like your voice. I can listen to you. Thank you. So I can listen. You're welcome. But I can't listen to everybody because there's many that as soon as I hit play, I'm like, oh no, we're not doing this. I can appreciate that.

SPEAKER_00 24:25

I mean, someone who coming from me, someone who's hated their voice, literally hated their voice. I've often wished I could hear what other people hear. And I'm in a season where I'm learning to use my voice, accept my voice, and just love my voice for what it is, because it's not gonna change. No matter how much I hate it, I still can't imagine sounding like someone else, or you know, I can't imagine a voice that goes with me. So it just is what it is. And if it can help connect with people, soothe people, comfort people, inspire people, then I'm all for it. I'm all for it. So I'm thankful. Maybe it's the microphone that does all the work.

SPEAKER_01 25:08

Well, then it's doing good because it does make you sound soothing and comfortable, but I just I don't think it's the microphone. I'm sure some other people have that same microphone, and then it's like, nope, nope, nope. So yes, you're one of the ones that I was like, yep. This is cool. So I don't know. Like the 2016 was pretty heavy. Podcast, YouTube, etc.

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:28

But then I'm gonna say three and a half years ago, around when COVID started, that first year, I had never hired a coach. And I was like, how can I get better? So I hired this girl, you know, we were having calls. I was progressing a little bit, but then at one point I felt level to her, if that makes sense. I was like, I can't pay her anymore because she can't help me anymore past me. And that's okay, you know, it is that's gross because it's still helping me in that gap, please. So I grew past that. Seasonal. And then I was like, yes, and definitely seasonal, because at first it was great, and then I was like, this is not helping me anymore. Right. Then I made it something else. So then I found, let's see, it was actually 2016, fast forward to 2018. That was when I had the biggest manic episode I've ever had. I woke up one morning and I said, I can't do this. It was kind of crazy. Um had to move in with my sister, and I was like, What am I gonna do? This is when I was still messing with this toxic person. And that morning I remember I went to my other sister's house, it's where my computer was located for my building phone, and I said, I'm not working today. And she's like, Okay, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm gonna call a run over to see my daughter. Because my daughter lived there at the time, and she's like, Okay. And I said, You know what? Screw it. So I went to my other sister's where I was staying. This is two sisters. I grabbed a bag of clothes, I grabbed a pillow, and I grabbed some pocket on my line. I started drinking at nine o'clock in the morning, which is not my personality. Um, really fine alcoholic, I'm not one. And I went and took all my money out of the bank, and I was just acting crazy and sporadically. Like, I can't explain that day. It ended me in the mental hospital. That day ended with me going to a mental hospital against my wheel. And I'm not a dummy, I'm an intelligent person. So when I was at the hospital, there's a lot to the story, but I'm not gonna tell you the whole story. But when I'm at the hospital and they were like, we need you to undress, I was like, okay, they've got me in here for potential they think I'm suicidal. They're not gonna let me leave. If I try to fight them, I'm just gonna find myself in a worse situation. I just have to follow the story. And I was like, I look at the fucking house, I can't leave camera and he said, No, ma'am. I said, All right. I just drop my clothes off. I said, put the gown on. Let's do this, let's do what we need to do to get me through this whole fucking process so that I can get out of here. So they shipped me to the hospital and they put me in the middle hospital close to Nashville, and I was gonna wait there. And it sucked. I've never been in jail, I've never, that was the first time I've been in the middle hospital, and I hated it. You know, you're stuck there against your will. You can't leave this hallway. You're wearing a gown. Wake up at a certain time. Here's when you eat. And day one, I did nothing. Day two, I was like, okay, I'm gonna listen to what they've got to say. Then I start feeling better, etc. Fast forward, I get out. A couple months later, I was like, I need to see a therapist for real. I don't want to be in the middle of the hospital again.

SPEAKER_00 28:09

Right.

SPEAKER_01 28:10

That was three and a half years ago. I found the most amazing therapist that I connected with, and I went every other week for three and a half years up until two weeks ago was my last session. He graduated me out. He said, because he said, you can finally deal with your issues on your own. He said, You don't need me. He said, You are wasting your money coming here.

SPEAKER_02 28:26

Good for you.

SPEAKER_01 28:27

And I won't lie to you. I wasn't prepared for that to be my last day, and it felt like I broke up with someone. It's scary. I can only imagine. It was. I was like, I'm okay with this, but then I went to my car and I cried my eyes out. Yeah. I was like, wow, this is a huge step.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

It is. I can only imagine that it might be scary because it's like someone who's been healed from walking with a limp. They've walked with this limp for years and years. They have conditioned their mind to walk with a limp that when they are healed from that ailment that caused them to walk with a limp, it's hard for them to believe that they no longer have a limp and they continue to walk with a limp because that's all they know, and that's all that they're used to. They're scared to walk normally. It's just like you're waiting, you're waiting for that limp to come back. You've lived with it for so long, like a crutch. You don't know how to survive without that crutch. And it's the same, for example, our children, our young adult children. I look at my oldest and I don't want to be her crutch. I don't want to be her limp. She's gonna have to learn. And it's scary for me to have to recognize that I have no control. My position in her life has changed. I've graduated in a sense. I'm no longer, I'm still her mother, but I don't have the same degree of influence. I don't have the same degree of trying to maneuver them towards ways that I feel like they need to go in order to be happy and successful. Right now, she is determining her own steps, marching to the beat of her own drum. And I have been regulated to the role of guide. She only comes to me, you know, when she wants uh confirmation on something or if she wants to share an experience with me, and I don't get to tell her what she can do, should do, ought to do. That's the only way that we get to learn is to walk on our own two feet. I am looking forward to finding out where your new steps take you without a therapist. Your therapist was seasonal and you're entering a new season. And it's good to know that hey, if ever you feel like you need to go back, you found someone who you have connected with, who knows you, you've built rapport with and are comfortable with to be able to go back to. So that's good to know as well. But I believe that you got this.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Thank you for that. Why sincerely thank you. Before continuing to how I got to where I'm at, fully, anyone that hears this, if you have not sought therapy, it doesn't make you weak. It actually makes you strong. Because if you like you said, the social stigmas, it is so hard for some people to say, Oh, I'm gonna go to therapy. You don't have to tell people. Okay, you can do it in silence, you can do it in secret. You just have to do what's best for you. Okay, but before three and a half years ago, I spent most of my life looking in the mirror and saying, I hate you. Like you said, you hate your voice. That self-talk to myself was I hate you. You're no good, you're ugly, you're fat, you're filling the blank. Okay. And most of that comes from your past, from the things people have said to you that you've held onto and created like this core thought process.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Right. It's been pre-programmed into you. Yes. It's just programmed thoughts and and actions that were basically downloaded into us, like I said, either genetically or through our upbringing. So it's like we have an internal algorithm. We know on social media, it's only or YouTube. This is good for YouTube. What you click on, that's all they're gonna show you. They're gonna show you more of what you click on, and you continuously find yourself in a cycle, for example, clicking on cat videos or you know, crazy things. That's all you're watching. That's all you ever see. So it filters and suppresses other things that you may need to see or want to see, and only gives you tunnel, tunnel vision on one thing, and you get stuck. So you have to shake up your algorithm, so to speak, start doing things you've never done before, believing in things you've always wanted to believe in, but for some reason don't to start seeing different, a different perspective. You can't see shit if you're swimming in shit all the time. It's only when you come up for air that you're able to breathe and see clearly. It's so hard to see things when you're immersed in them because all you see is what's around you. What my mom liked to say, you can't see the forest or the trees, you can't recognize the entirety of what's going on because you're solely focused on what's in front of you. It's definitely important that thought process, getting your mind right. And if that takes going to therapy to shake things up and shake things loose, that's what you need to do.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

For sure. Just do it, just do it. What's crazy is feeling suicidal is a thought process. That is exactly what it is because there are times now. I'm happy to report I'm not suicidal. I don't want to take my life. I love my life. Sometimes it's shit, but I love it. And I love that I get to wake up every day and try something else.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

It's just like things are really bad. My brain sometimes will still go, Well, I'm just gonna commit suicide. And then now I go, that's bullshit. That is not what I'm trying to think about right now. And it's gone. It's gone.

SPEAKER_00 33:53

You have to think about what you're thinking about. Yes. Your brain is constantly thinking things, even when you're not trying to think. Have you ever tried praying or meditating in your grocery list or what we're gonna have for dinner? Or I forgot to call my mom pops into your thoughts. It takes practice, it takes real practice to get to a focus where you can truly just peacefully think. When people want to talk about meditation, for example, it's hard to meditate because it's hard to turn your thoughts off and your thoughts are just going all over the place. It's our job to cherry pick, so to speak, the good from the bad, the good seeds from the bad seeds. And when those bad seeds pop up, the more you practice getting rid of them, it'll become muscle memory. Like you said, those suicidal thoughts, it's a mindset so that when you can recognize it's not even that. Having the thought is not even the problem. Having the thought of not wanting to live, not wanting to be here, life is hard. This world is harsh. People are ugly, the world is evil. It takes a lot of metal to survive in this world. So the thought of taking your life or saying, GG, good game, that's nothing. It's what triggers. What triggers that thought? Let's start there. What triggered you feeling like you want to take your life? There. Wherever that trigger is, that's the issue. That's what you need to focus on. That's what you need to look at and work on. Why are you having this thought? And once you figure out what's triggering you, now you can come up with a plan of attack because when that trigger happens again, you'll recognize it for what it is. It's a trigger. It's a thought process, a response, and a visceral emotional response to something that's happening in and around you. And figuring out what that is is the first step. So we've all, I can't think of anybody who hasn't thought of saying, if nobody wants to admit it, because everybody just hasn't loved their life all their life. We had to work hard to love our life. You know what I'm saying? Because there's a time where you and I didn't love ourselves, didn't love our lives. People love to say if it wasn't for my kids, I wouldn't be here. There's more to it than that because you can have children and still not want to be here and still not want to continue. It's not enough just to say that you're a mom, you're a dad, I have to fight for my children. No, you have to fight for yourself before you can fight for your children. Because if you're just focusing on being here for your children, when your children get grown and gone, then what? You're making it your purpose. Your children is your purpose. You, you have to focus on you in order to help your children be successful in life mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, psychologically, whatever lead you want to put on there, it starts with you. It's not selfish. And if it is selfish, then that's a good thing. Then I'll be selfish because I need to focus on me if I want to be the best for my children.

SPEAKER_01 37:06

I agree. And I can tell you if you focus only on your children like I did, that's what I thought I had to do. You can put who you are. And then when they're grown, you're sad. And you're like, Well, who the hell am I? I'm their mom. That's all I am. I'm their mom. No, you're still their mom. So when they're gone, well, what am I supposed to do with myself? One day I was listening to a podcast and it said, just look in the mirror and say, I love you. That's like, okay, let's try to say that.

SPEAKER_00 37:30

This is your daily reminder. Just look in the mirror and tell you.

SPEAKER_01 37:34

Yes. Yes. I love that. Because we have to, because nobody else is gonna love us like we can. Nobody else is gonna save us. It's us, it's on us to save ourselves.

SPEAKER_00 37:44

Girl, you are girl, you just don't know how much confirmation you are providing. I just wrote something today. I was deciding how I um wanted to share it. Can I share it with you? Please do today. Yes. Let me get to my notes. It's so funny. I wrote this actually like a couple of hours ago. I have a tendency to do that, jot down random thoughts. It could be on a napkin, a torn piece of paper. It could be on anything.

unknown 38:11

Um, what is it?

SPEAKER_00 38:12

You got balls and notebooks? Girl, yes. I got notebooks, papers, I got collections of papers. Girl, this is one of the things. My favorite section is all the supplies. Right? This is what I wrote. It can be disappointing when no one believes in or supports your vision. Beware of those people, for they often come with the saboteur spirit. Those red flags were signed, sealed, and delivered the moment they doubted you. People love to talk about red flags, but they themselves fail to see them. Stop expecting any and every to understand your vision or mission. That is for you to understand. But instead do expect any and every in your innermost circle to believe in and support you. Period. If you got people in your innermost circle that use a lack of belief and understanding about your motion as a reason to not believe in or support you, then they no longer belong in your innermost circle and should be removed immediately before they poison you with self-doubt. It could be a mother, a father, a sister, a brother, a friend, or a lover. It could be anyone. But we forget that all of those people are people too. And people do people things. Don't be surprised when people act like people do. Your innermost circle should solely be comprised of agape love, people who root for you, cheer for you, believe in you, support you, lift you up, and hold you accountable amongst other things. That's all right. You might consider your rings and find that you have no one in your innermost circle but you, that you have no one but you. Do not be discouraged. You forget that your innermost circle contains another, one that is filled in and without space. You. Your circle starts with you. You are the first circle and the most important circle. Everything that comes from that circle will radiate outward and attract energies to your rings. It is simple mathematics. Consider yourself. Do you believe in you? Do you support you? Do you love you? Do you hold yourself accountable? Do you lift yourself up? Do you cheer for you? These are things you should be doing for yourself off top, regardless if anyone else is doing it or not. Take time to really reflect on your circles today and ask yourself not only what's being poured into them, but also what's being poured out. Everybody got choices. Choose you.

SPEAKER_01 40:48

Yes, girl, because you are the most important person in your story.

SPEAKER_00 40:51

Yes. It starts with you. And that's where the work begins. Once you are willing to do that work, that self-reflection, that therapy, that going to the gym, that eating right, protecting your sexual energy, whatever, whatever it could be. Once you decide to do those things, you'll attract better because you'll be better. So it definitely We attract what we think about. Yeah, we definitely. It starts, everything starts with us. So even if you don't have a support system, oh support systems are awesome. I'm thankful for my small support system. I really am. There are things that would have been even 10 times more difficult than what I've already had to deal with if I didn't have what support that I did have. I'm thankful for it. But I've also not had support. I've also been solely by myself in thought and vision and goals with no help. Nobody that believed in me, that cheered for me, that rooted for me. And it really brought home that I am my biggest support system. I am my biggest cheerleader. And once I start supporting myself, I'll attract other people that are interested and want to and love to support me too, because I'm not gonna tolerate anybody that doesn't. You know, I'm not, I can't. Absolutely. It's gonna poison the weather. Right. And that's okay. Circles are there for a reason. It's okay to, like you said, and once we bring this conversation back around to narcissism, we know narcissists in our own family. They may not have true personality disorder of narcissism, but they have narcissistic tendencies, especially our family, the manipulation that can come from our own family. So we really have to be cognizant of who we allow close to our inner circle. We may love them, but they may not deserve to be in our inner circle and have to be regulated to a further ring. And then there are some people, once you see those characteristics of them, I don't care if you're family, friend, or foe. You don't belong anywhere in my universe, in the realm of my rings, in the realm of my circle. And I must cut you off because you're toxic. Toxic is poisoning. You will get sepsis from people in your life, and they will kill your dreams, your goals, they will kill you, not literally, but figuratively.

SPEAKER_01 43:27

So true. I agree with everything you said. They will, you have to get them out of your life, you have to set up true boundaries. So it's so powerful.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

Right? Getting back to your journey as of last week, you're no longer under the care of a therapist and you're walking tall on your own two feet. What what does the future look like for you, Nene?

SPEAKER_01 43:50

Well, we never know, right? But I I do know what I'm working towards. Back to my group. I help you reclaim your power by learning to love yourself. Because once you love yourself, like you said. You won't allow the narcissist and the toxic people in your ring because you will know your worth and you'll know that you don't have to do that. And some of us don't realize that it's taking me this, you know, six years to get to this point, what fully be here to where I can just cut someone off and not feel bad, right?

unknown 44:14

Right.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

So in my grief, I try to get comments the last two weeks because I gave myself grace. I was sick and had too much going on. So I just didn't do it. But that's okay. And that's okay. A lot of strengths, it it is, right? Sometimes we just have to say, it is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 44:28

I'm tired and I need a break. And it's just nice to say, let your yes be your yes and your no, your no. Don't ever do anything grudgingly. Don't ever say yes to something and then complain about it afterwards. And don't say no to nothing and then feel guilty for saying no. You told me when we were looking to record that, hey, I don't feel good. I got a lot going on. It would be wrong of me. You know, I have the right, but it would be wrong for me empathy-wise on a level to be able to say, you know what? Fuck you, Nene. You know, you knew about this, or you know, you need to do it anyway. I don't care. Just with a lack of care, concern about what was going on with you. And that's something separate. It's just the simple fact that you said, no, I can't do it today. And can we do it some other time? And not feel guilty for saying no, because life happens. Life happens.

SPEAKER_01 45:22

And and it and it feels so good when you get to a point because I used to feel guilty to say no, right? To where you can. Like I thought about it and I was like, I want to talk to her tomorrow, but I'm still tired from being sick, and I got this stuff going on with my family. And I feel like shit. So I'm so sorry to do this. I really felt bad to do it, but it was smart to do.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

It is, you have to prioritize yourself, your health, and you know, you know what place is coming from, not a malicious place or any other place other than positive. You're not doing it for any other reason, not to sabotage or not for a lack of daisial attitude towards what was going on or you know what you had to do. It was because you needed, you needed to. And doing what you need to do for you is not selfish, is not selfish. And having people in your life, which is part of narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, you know, people like that are not going to care about what's going on with you, accept what's going on with you, it's gonna make you feel bad for what's going on with you, minimize what's going on with you, and a host of other things in order to make you feel guilty for not doing what they want you to do when they want you to do it. And if you then turn around and say yes and do it anyway, they're not gonna even be thankful for it. They're not gonna respect you for it, and they're definitely not going to appreciate your effort. You know, it's an expectation. That's definitely someone you want to avoid. That's a red flag right there. And those things show themselves before you even get deeply involved with stuff.

SPEAKER_01 47:11

Oh, yeah, people show us their red flags as soon as we need them.

SPEAKER_00 47:14

Exactly. Exactly. And no matter how hard they try to hide, eventually they will bleed out. Those true colors have no choice but to bleed out on the page. And when they do, it's amazing how we make excuses, how we rationalize, how we accept things we are in denial about, and figuring out what is it that we want from them, what is it that we're chasing, that we feel so compelled to be around, stay around, stick with someone that is unhealthy, toxic, negative, that's just ugly? That's where you need to figure out what's going on with you because it's not even them. They are who they are. We can't change who people are, we can only change ourselves. So, what is it about us that keeps us attracted to these types of personalities and what to do about that? Because you're setting yourself up for failure off top when you entertain the red flag. Stop entertaining, stop thinking that you can love the red flags out of people because you can't. That is their cross the bear, that is their personal journey. You can't do it for them, okay? No matter how much potential somebody has, no matter how much love that you may have for them, they have to fight their own battle. All you can do is be a cheerleader, be a supporter, be a rooter. That's all that you can do. Nene, you run a marathon. I can't run that marathon for you, sis. But I can be on the road on the sidelines, I can hand you water as you pass by. I can be there cheering for you at the finish line and along the way, but I can't run the race for you. Okay, I'm not allowed out there.

SPEAKER_01 48:58

Okay, that's all on you. You're correct. You're correct in all of it. You have to say enough is enough yourself. Have you ever seen the situation? You're right, it's not always a man that's narcissistic. Women are as well. When I say people will tell you, the ones I've met, they don't even try to hide it. They'll just be like, Oh, you don't want to mess with somebody like me. I'm an asshole. And you're like, then 18 minutes later, you're like, You're an asshole. I don't know how you want to mess you. I'm crazy. I'm an asshole. I'm like, you know, whatever. But what I do want to share is in my group, that's what I want to help people with. Like, it's not even narcissists, it's toxic people. Get away from that, love yourself be for you. But I do want to share how you can do that aside from seeking therapy, because that's what we talked about at the beginning. Is people will tell you to get better and heal yourself and journal, but they don't tell you really, really how to do it. Like deep down on a deep level, right? So that's something I do want to share today. Anybody that's listening, if they're not in my group, I wish they would be in my group. But this is what you can do to start helping yourself if you want to learn to a place of healing. Is it okay for share that? Of course. Please. Okay, so and this is kind of what I teach, but this is what you want to do. It comes from a place of acceptance. Everyone do this, I like to self-talk. People would think I'm crazy, but that's okay. And when I say self-talk, especially when it's warm, I like to go outside and be barefoot and walk in my yard and talk to myself. And it is actually, it's so good for the soul to talk to yourself out loud and answer yourself. You know, people used to joke and say, Oh, that makes you crazy. That's what they do.

SPEAKER_00 50:43

Like, hey, it's okay if you talk to yourself, is if you answer yourself, that is a problem. It may look like a problem. But you are so right. It's definitely how you reprogram your mind.

SPEAKER_01 50:59

Yes, yes. It may look like a problem talking yourself, but I am telling you what you can get out of yourself if you'll answer yourself. You can really work through some problems, okay?

unknown 51:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:10

But like when you want to change and you want to be away from these toxic people, or maybe you want to get out of a toxic relationship that you're in. And again, relationship doesn't mean lover. You know, that could be your best friend, right, or your boss, or whoever, or your sister, you know? Right. How did you get here?

SPEAKER_00 51:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:25

Like at some point, you have to take serious responsibility for how you allowed yourself, like you said earlier, what are you seeking in that person? Right. How did you get here? Why did you allow this to happen?

SPEAKER_00 51:34

That first step is the hardest. It's always accepting, accepting your part, your role that you play in your own pain, in your own trauma. We can't control what other people do to us. Well, the only thing we can control is the access that we give those people to do those things to us. People are gonna be people. We are people too. So we need to take some deep dive into some self-reflection about why it is we live the way that we live, behave the way that we behave, act the way that we act, do the things that we do, talk in the ways that we talk, take accountability and accept, hey, lay it all out there bare. It takes honesty though. You have to be honest with yourself. You have to get naked with yourself and look at yourself and take a deep dive into why you are the way that you are. There's no other step that you can take until you face that step first. And that's the first step that's the hardest and the ugliest.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

You are, and you do have to be able to say, I did this. So many people want to claim the victim. I'm not saying that people aren't the victim because, like you said, we can't control what someone does to us. We can control what we do about it, we can control how we act afterwards and how we're perceived.

SPEAKER_00 52:54

Just because you're victimized doesn't make you a victim. Yeah. Don't give yourself permission to act like a victim.

SPEAKER_01 53:01

That's true. And if you need, if you need a little bit of victimizing, I don't want to say it. It's okay to accept that that happened to you and it hurt and it was mean and it was bullshit. It's okay to cry about it, but then move on from it. Right. Because if not, it'll just hold you prisoner. It's so hard. I'm gonna tell anybody that's listening to this too. It is hard. This is not easy shit. You're not just gonna do it today. It's a process.

SPEAKER_00 53:25

It could take years.

SPEAKER_01 53:26

It could be a really long process, it can. You gotta be committed. It takes several years.

SPEAKER_00 53:31

Yeah. Imagine all the things right. We we are committed to a lot of things in our life. And I'm a big believer that we make time for the things we want to make time for, the people we want to make time for, the places we want to make time for, the things we want to make time for. We make time for things every day. Every day we are making choices. As soon as we wake up in the morning, we're choosing to brush our teeth or not, we're choosing to eat breakfast or not. We are a bundle of choices. Everything we do, turn left, turn right, you know, go straight, go backwards. We are making choices all day long. We have to really look at the choices that we are making, if there are good choices or bad choices. To me, there just really is no gray area. Choices we make can lead to good or bad things, but those are outcomes. Your initial choices should be rooted in healthy choices. That leaves the probability of having healthy outcomes happen for us. But it definitely starts internally with us. We are our biggest bully, our biggest critic, our biggest obstacle. A lot of the monkey wrenches that we have in life, we can look back and see that we threw them. We threw them ourselves. But when we lay down at night and uh when we are left alone with our thoughts, we know the truth. There's only so much lying that we can do to ourselves. I know some mental health professionals look at MPD and say that they don't know the effect that they have on others. I don't think I don't think that's true. I mean, just because a narcissist lacks empathy doesn't mean that they lack understanding of what they are doing. Because you have some people that know exactly what they are doing and they do it on purpose for a specific outcome to manipulate you, to hurt you, harm you, to change you. So I don't know. I don't know if I'm making sense, but hey, it sounds good. And it does make sense. It sounds good. So yes, you're right. Tell me once again the name of your group, how people can look it up or search for it. I believe it is a private community, and right now it's for women only. But tell me again about the community that you're building, and yeah, what comes next? I believe podcasts, right?

SPEAKER_01 56:09

Yes. At some point, yes. My Facebook group is Survive to Thrive, a place for women to empower, elevate, and love themselves. And that's where I do my weekly live streams. And I've got a workshop coming up, and that's gonna be free.

SPEAKER_00 56:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 56:24

And where I'm gonna teach these steps we were talking about, like how you got here, self-acceptance, you want a vision for your future, you know, do you want to be in a toxic relationship? And then you're gonna write a letter like thanking your future self for doing these things to get you there, and then like create like a plan or a roadmap on how you can get to where you want to be. Okay, so it's like a deep dive into doing all these steps. So I've got a workshop coming up, and yes, at some point soon, very soon, I do want to start my podcast.

SPEAKER_00 56:58

I look forward to that, definitely. And those listening will definitely have access to Nini's group links in the show notes. Be sure to go there to follow her page, her community group, and connect with her and sign yourself up for this workshop that she has coming up. Lord knows I am still on the potter's wheel, being molded and transformed every day. That is my goal. You never stop transforming, you never stop growing, you never stop elevating in order to keep up with life, in order to sustain. It is definitely survival of the fittest. That doesn't mean physically, that means mentally. You have to be mentally fit in order to survive in this timeline that we find ourselves in. And so much of us are unfit mentally. We go to the gym, we work out, we show all off our beautiful bodies and gym pictures and our booties and leggings and our abs and everything else. But that beautiful body is housing ugly spirits, ugly spirits that are affecting our relationships with our family, our friends, husbands, wives, co-workers with all types of ships out there. It's time to get mentally fit. And I believe that anybody definitely can get fit. No surgery required. It just takes you starting to do that first step. Nene talked about, and that's acceptance. Accept your role, your part, and change the vision. What do you want? What kind of life do you want to have? And don't tell me no bullshit like I want to go vacationing, and I want to have girlfriends that I go out to brunch with on Sunday, and I want to be able to get my hair and nails and lashes and feet done every week. And don't give me no basic, no basic life shit that you want to copy and paste from others that you see. I can guarantee that those people, those lifestyle pages that you follow on Facebook are housing a lot of pain, a lot of internal struggles that they don't share. Okay. They're only sharing this good, this good, this good. And you don't never see the bad, the bad, the bad. And it makes you feel like shit because you don't have any of that good, good, good. It's out of balance. Show me the good, the bad, and the ugly and how it all comes together to make something beautiful. You don't have to tell me these beautiful lies. Just give me the ugly truths. I can turn it into something beautiful. But you know, don't rely on those people that you are constantly seeing that's living it up and living their best lives. And it ain't what it seems. I can promise you that. It's not what it seems.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:05

You know, they don't show you the sadness and the crying and the anger and the arguments and all the things. There's one other thing that's in my future that I didn't mention.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:14

It's my big, big, big, big dream. Okay. And um, you're gonna see it at some point once I get far enough in my coaching business. I'm gonna be a speaker. I'm gonna be a speaker. I want to stand on a physical stage and I want to be speaking to thousands of women just about this topic. Yes, and that's that's it's it's not about the money, it's not about the the traveling and all the BS like you just talked about. It's about when people message me and say, Wow, you made me realize blank. I'm like, oh, that makes me feel happy. Like it really does. It makes my heart happy. So I want to be on the stage and talk to women, and I want them to be able to walk out and be like, damn, that gave me something to think about. I'm gonna go home and write how I want my future to be or whatever.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:58

Yes, I'm gonna be a speaker on stage. Yes, you will. And going forward, my best advice for you and anybody that has dreams and goals about where they want to take their visions for themselves is to understand people like us who are community-based people, human-based people, we have to understand that we are most likely not gonna see the result of the seeds that we plant. Be okay, be okay with planting, being the planter. My mom tells me often don't bite your nose off to spite your face. My feet should not be jealous of my hands because my hands get more action during the day. See more work, touch more things, you know, but at the same time, my feet is part of a whole, it serves its own purpose and it's just as vitally important as my hands. And even though it may not see all the action that my hands do, its job is important. So focus on being a planter and knowing that you planted a seed that somebody else may come and water, that somebody else may come and nourish. And those people need to be okay with understanding that hey, they didn't plant the seed, but they see the seed growing, and they're not gonna be upset with the sun because they can't do the their steps. And it's a part of a whole, everybody is doing its job to make sure that the seed blossoms and grows. You don't have to have a hand in every step of that, okay? And you may not see it or hear it, but people are listening to you, or people are watching you, or people are learning from you, growing from you, and they may do so in silence, they may not tell anybody that they listen to you, watch you. Sometimes I won't even know. Girl, I look at my analytics, and there's so many different cities that listen to the podcast, different countries. It can't be all from Facebook. Okay, I never see these people interacting on my pages or my content. It's not until I get that random DM from somebody out of nowhere that says, you know what? I listen to your podcast, they'll tell me their personal story, who they are. They're a veteran, they have PTSD, they were in an abusive relationship, they were suicidal. So many different people have DM'd me to let me know that they appreciate the content that I'm putting out there. Even though I may not see a reflection of that on my social media or in my download numbers or in my shares. The fact that I'm planting seeds for somebody out there is enough. And prayerfully, that's enough for them to pay it for because you can't measure success in numbers by what we do. Success is just helping one person see the light. That person may turn around and help two people see the light. Those two turn around and see four people. That multiplies. That's how we change community, that's how we change the world. Planting one seed at a time. You can replant seeds, those seeds can sprout and grow several different plants. You just never know. And just be okay with understanding what you're doing, why you're doing it, and not measuring your success and the number of people who watch your lives, the number of people that react on your posts, on your content, the number of people that download your podcast or shares your podcast. You set yourself up for failure when you start depending on analytics. Just know that what you're doing is important. The message that you're sharing, you know, needs to be heard, and you know that people need to hear it. And do your part in sharing that message. That's where you stay successful when you operate organically out of a pure love and intention for what you're doing. And it won't be for money, likes, or reactions, or downloads, or streams, or anything else. Remember why you do what you do. I love it. I'm so happy that you came on. I know we didn't talk about half the things that we were supposed to talk about, but that always happens on Mom Baron Unfiltered. And that's what I love about it. It should take on a life of its own. I love conversations that are fluid and that directs itself. When I try to direct things, it never goes the way that I want it to go. So, you know, that just means that you need to come back and we need to be specific and talk about specific things. Will you come back? I would love to come back in one bullet point. Oh, girl, good. Because honey, I am known to go off on tangents and to digress on other subjects and Honey, it's all good. We come here looking for one thing and leave here with what we didn't know we needed. And that's the beautiful thing that I find about this podcast is being able to connect with people like you that I don't know, never had real conversation with, and be able to connect and interact and talk in a higher vibrational way that leaves us feeling positive and good. I hope you leave this conversation having felt like you had a great interaction today. And when we do, it sets the stage. You know what I'm saying? For the rest of our day. Absolutely. It's so important to have positive interactions. And I try to make that a point wherever I go. When I'm out in my community, when I'm visiting stores or going through a drive-thru or anything that I'm doing, everybody that I come in contact with, I'm trying to share positive love and light with. Me too. When you live like that, Nini, it makes it so easy to see, really see the negative energies out there around you and what to avoid. Oh, I know.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:08

And there are some people that I'm like, hello, how are you today? And because I ask every pastor I come across, how are you feeling today? And some people are they just ignore me. And I'm like, okay then. I hope you have a fantastic day though.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:22

No, see, I'm the opposite. I'm the person that's gonna say, you know what, your energy seems a little bit off today. I hope your day gets better. You look down, don't let the devil steal your joy. I'll say something, I'll smile anyway. And if it's just somebody that's just ugly and that's just mean, I let them know too. Hey, your energy is uncalled for. I've had to tell people that I don't need you to help me. I need you to go find somebody else to service me because I don't want to interact with you or your energy. I don't need that jumping on me. I don't need your help. Can you go find somebody else? Or matter of fact, if you don't want to do that, I can go find somebody else to help me. Because I don't, you know, I'm gonna let you know, especially when it's unwarranted. You don't know me. I don't know you. I'm a big believer in don't take jobs where you have to interact with people if you aren't a people person. If you don't know how to compartmentalize your life and separate things when you come to work to do your job, interacting with people. Everybody is dealing with bullshit. You aren't the only one who may be having a bad day. You aren't the only one, you know, who got shit that's going on in their life. Bills they're worried about paying debt that they can't never seem to find their way out of, wondering what they're gonna feed their family today, or how they're gonna make it to work. They don't have a car, or there's a number of different things that people are dealing with daily. You are not the only one. It's not fair to transfer the shit that's going on in your life and project that onto other people. It's not. And if you project it onto me, I'm gonna let you know one, that you're doing it, okay? And two, I'm gonna give you an opportunity to stop doing it. And most of the time I can tell you this they recognize that they're acting a certain way and they'll jump out of it and be like, you know what? Today is just a really bad day. Recognize that, hey, they might just need somebody to tell them that their energy, they're projecting negative energy. We often don't realize that we're walking around with a cloud over our head. Hey, you know you got this ugly gray cloud over your head, right? Do you need an umbrella? Because I don't need you sharing your cloudy day with me. That's perfectly okay. That is perfectly okay. Do you need an umbrella? You know, I'll share mine with you. You know, come get under my umbrella with me. This storm will pass, but it's just what you do during the interim. What are you doing in the meantime, in between time, and how are you treating the people in your life because of those things? So definitely it all comes back down to us. We can't expect to have positive life and positive outcomes if we're doing negative things, thinking negative things, acting in negative ways. It's just the two don't go together. They're oil and water, it don't mix. I agree. And I do say, How are you? and hope you have a great day. But when somebody's like you don't let their spirits jump on you and leave their med, like that mug had an attitude and been there, da da da da. Talking all about it on your way to the car, but ain't said a word to that person. So right, nope. I just say have a great day, then I hope shit. Right shit, but I'm like, I hope things get better for you. Of course. At the end of the day, you're gonna feel like shit for making me feel like shit because I ain't did shit to you. People are people, honey. All day long, all day strong. Nene, I thank you for talking to me today. And I am sorry, girl. This conversation will probably be hours and hours and hours long. So what I am going to do is definitely schedule you a time to come back because I really want to deep dive into the definition of narcissism, what it means to have narcissistic tendencies versus having a true narcissistic personality disorder. And I definitely want to talk about what to look for, signs of a narcissist, the characteristics that they encompass. I believe uh the American DSM, American Psychiatry list uh narcissistic personality disorder is having uh five or more characteristics. Definitely want to deep dive into what those characteristics are, what to look for, how to avoid, what to do when you interact with these types of personalities. And I think we can all agree that the first thing to do, stay away from them. Do not interact with narcissistic people if you're able, because there's some people we can't get away from. They're in our family, or we may work for them. But if you can't, what to do, how to do it, and how to move forward from there from the effects of having someone with a toxic personality in your life. Because we know how detrimental the fallout is from dealing, you know, with someone with these types of characteristics. But I'm definitely gonna have you back to talk more about that. Hopefully, those listening to the podcast today want to hear more about that as well. And yeah, is there anything else you you want to say before we pack it in?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:33

Just you're welcome. And thank you so much for having me. And actually, one of my next upcoming live streams is just that the actual red flags and what to look for and how to recognize them. Girl, we are so in alignment. We are so much so. You're so I'm like, that's coming up. So I'm happy to come back. And sincere, sincerely from my heart, if it's five years on the road, if someone's listening to this, um sending you love. Like I put my hands close together. Love sent to you. I hope you can love yourself and I hope you can avoid the bad people. Like, I sincerely hope that for everyone because we're all one. And if you heal, I heal. From my heart, I feel that and hope that. That's all I have to say. And I hope you have a great day.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:14

Thank you. Thank you again for being here. I'll definitely, after that episode, maybe we can schedule a time for you to come back and we can talk about some of those characteristics and red flags that we semi-touched on today. But definitely, you've got a testimony that shows how to transform your pain into purpose. And you've done that. I'm proud of you. I don't have to know you personally to be proud of you. I am so proud of you, your story, your comeback story, and I know that you have a beautiful, bright future ahead of you because you know that you have a beautiful, bright future ahead of you. And I look so forward to what you do next. Thank you so much. You have no idea. Huge, huge, very tight virtual hug. Like thank you. I can't wait. We'll definitely have to schedule a time for us to connect and meet up. We are both here in Tennessee. I in Jackson. And you are where again? I'm about 45 minutes north of Nashville. Mm-hmm. So we'll definitely just have to make a time to make our connection in the virtual realized in the physical. And yeah, look forward to talking to you more in the future and having you back on this show. Thank you again for being here.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:34

Thank you so much for having me. I really, really thank you. This is exciting and fun and just enjoyable.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:40

Enjoyable. And it's no pressure. I hope I haven't made it any pressure. How'd you enjoy that? I haven't felt pressure at all.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:48

I haven't felt pressure and I enjoyed it.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:00

Well, kings and queens, here we are, back safely on the other side. Did you enjoy the ride? I really do pray that my conversation with Nini helps someone on their path to healing or help start it. This life is a hard life for a lot of people, and the only way that they can survive is to thrive. Learn how you can do that and more by clicking on the links below that will take you directly to Nini Alice's accounts. Once there, give her a follow and your support. It is the people like Nini and others who are doing their part to help their fellow brother or sister out of the pits of hell, the hell of their minds. When you can't find support from those around you and in your life, you will begin to isolate yourself further and continue deeper into your mental bondage. There are so many dope souls out there that are creating content specifically with you in mind. Don't discount the power that can come from immersing yourself in the authentic and organic energy of real people, people whose only goal is to help you help yourself. Once again, thank you for tuning in to this episode. If you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed recording it, then do your girl a favor and head on over to the Mambaranum Filter website and subscribe to All ThingsMRU through your email. If you do that, along with subscribing to the podcast on your favorite streaming platforms, you will never miss out on when new content drops. You can also leave a review or even a voicemail, all from the website. Furthermore, you can check out my whole site over on Buzzprout. And if you'd like to provide feedback in the form of a text message, you can do so via the fan mail option. So go over there and check that out too. That link is also available in the show notes as well. Mambarandum Filtered is everywhere in the virtual world. Pandora, Apple Podcasts, YouTube Music, Spotify, Amazon Music, it doesn't matter. Wherever you enjoy streaming your music or listening to your podcast, you can find Mambaron Filtered. Be sure that you also take time to go follow and subscribe to the podcast on all your favorite social media links as well. Support a supporter, you hear me? I'm out here trying to just be a light. I can use all the help I can get. So I am not hard to find, I promise you. All available links for the podcast is in the show notes. So make sure you take a look there and click on those links and go give your girl a follow and your support too. Until next time, beautiful people. Be good, be safe, stay healthy, and drink your water. Water is life. And it's hot, hot outside, ain't it? At least here in the South. So be sure you stay hydrated. Peace.