Let It Flow: Transforming Wounds Into Words

What you are about to hear is a beautifully raw conversation with a dope soul, Mrs. Latonya Allen, aka, One Soul Flo, an author, poet, and business owner. Jumping down this rabbit hole will leave you encouraged, inspired, and motivated on the other side. But please note, that the topics discussed in this episode, are sensitive and can be potentially triggering to those who suffer from abuse, mental health conditions, and trauma. Resources to combat these issues and more are provided at the end of the episode. Be sure to check out One Soul Flo, her book, content, and website at the following links:

Website: https://www.onesoulflo.org

Email: Po3ticju5tice752@yahoo.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/onesoulflo

IG: https://www.instagram.com/onesoulflo/

TikTok: https://www.TikTok.com/@one_soul_flo

Amazon Link to purchase her book, Forever Love, As One Soul: https://a.co/d/hThFCc0

Mandated Reporting Laws: https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/safety-and-risk/mandated-reporting/?top=78

Silk Road: https://www.fbi.gov/contact-us/field-offices/newyork/news/press-releases/ross-ulbricht-the-creator-and-owner-of-the-silk-road-website-found-guilty-in-manhattan-federal-court-on-all-counts

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:24

Hello, kings and queens. It's your favorite girl, Black Mamba, back with another higher vibrational conversation that elevates and motivates. Thank you so much for tuning in, for putting me in your ear, and for jumping down rabbit holes with me. As always, it is my goal to navigate you safely through these authentic conversations that can sometimes be difficult to hear due to the raw vulnerabilities that are expressed. Before we jump into it, I must caution you that my guest and I will be uh discussing sensitive subject matters that some may find emotionally challenging. Topics like abuse, uh, mental health, uh, suicide and trauma are mentioned and could be potentially triggering to some listeners. I add that you continue listening at your own discretion. Information and links to helpful resources concerning topics like these are provided in the show notes and will also be mentioned at the end of this episode. If you or anyone you know has suffered from any of these issues mentioned, please seek help and more information from a medical professional. With that said, take the turn, sit back, relax, and prepare to jump down this next rabbit hole. See you on the other side. Peace. Today, the Mamba Ra and Unfiltered podcast is chopping it up with another dope soul who is literally poetry in motion. Miss Latanya Allen, better known as One Soul Flow, is an author, poet, mother, student, and the owner of One Soul Flow LLC, a public place to flow and allow the music of words to touch and heal the soul. We connected on Facebook last year when I stepped into one of her live poetry readings, and I have been locked in on her ever since. Now, y'all know Mama don't play no games about her social media experience, right? So you know that means that I am only connecting with dope souls whose light shines bright and filters out the irrelevancy in the virtual realm. Latanya or Tanya, she prefers to go by. Miss One Soul Flow is authentic, encouraging, honest, raw, and uplifting. Everything my barana filter stands for. Her content, her poetry is not only relevant, but it brings a lyrical balm to the soul. Ladies and gentlemen, without further ado, allow me to introduce to you the amazing, talented, beautiful, dope soul One Soul Flow. Hello, sis. How are you doing this day? I'm good. How are you? Happy finally to have you here. I know that we had some, well, I had some scheduling conflicts, memory conflicts. Let's just say that. Life be life, and but we are here, and I'm so happy to be here with you. So tell me, you heard my introduction, and I like my guests to be able to introduce themselves. And I'm always curious to see the lens that they view themselves in. So if you don't mind, go ahead and introduce yourself to them.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

Thank you. I just want to say that it's an honor. Like, you don't meet too many people that are authentic and that just come off the bath with like good positive vibe. It's rare. And you know, I just want to say thank you for this opportunity, and I appreciate it. I'm gonna be a forever Black Mamba fan, just know that. Bless you. But I do want to introduce myself. I am I'm just playing Tanya, like, period. I am a writer, I've been writing for 26 years, and it's just writing is my life. Writing is what built me, it's what made me, it's who I am. It's not just a hobby for, because you know it's a hobby for some people, right? But for me, writing is my life, it's who I am, and it's what I do. So that's just, you know, outside of me being a mother of five and married for 12 years and going to school right now to get my bachelor's degree in creative writing in English. Wow. And it's just been it's just been a roller coaster, but God has sustained me. I've been in a 4.0 GPA with five kids, working full-time girl, yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

That is what I will say. Do the damn thing. That is amazing, and I can imagine how difficult.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Oh, it's hard. Like people ask, like, I don't know how you do it. And half the time I'm looking like girl, I don't know how I do it either, but I do it, you know, by the grace of God.

SPEAKER_02 5:46

I was gonna say grace, grace and mercy, not only from God above, but yourself. Grace and mercy that you have to give yourself. You're a wife, you're a mother, you're a student, you are an author, and I'm sure you have plenty of your own goals and dreams. Those are a lot of lives to manage, honey. On track of going to school, and when you add student into the mix, oh yeah, count it all towards joy because at the end of the day, just like I was talking about in the last podcast with Dr. Sanja, just about legacy, you got kids that's looking at you, and we discussed that a little bit last time we connected, just about how your kids pushed you and asked you, like, mom, why aren't you? Why? Why? What are you doing, mom?

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Yeah, that was surprising. My oldest, she came at me like she was my mom, like you're doing all of this for everybody else. But why are you sitting on your poetry? Like, what are you gonna do? And I'm just sitting here like baffled because I'm like, wow, like I've never had, you know, my husband will push me, but to hear from your kid, your oldest, like that's looking up to you, like pretty much saying, like, mom, do something. Show us what you can do. Right. How old is she? She's 17.

SPEAKER_02 7:00

Or is she gonna be 18 in December? I don't know what I'm gonna do. Oh, is this your first child reaching 18? She is, yes, man. It's bittersweet. That's all I can say, says this is bittersweet. But we grow as our kids grow, yeah. We don't ever stop growing, and you're gonna continue to grow as a woman and as a mother because now this is your first time entering a new stage of life. Yeah, you are gonna be the parent of a young adult, and that requires a different level of parenting, and it changes your role and position to guide. And all I can say is trust, trust in the seeds that you have planted in her, they will come to fruition.

SPEAKER_00 7:42

Yes, girl. See, and I keep hearing that, so I know I'm pushing towards the right mentality for her, especially a young black girl growing up in this age. It's scary. It is scary. They've already got strikes against them for one being black, being a woman, and not being raised in a ghetto. Like I don't knock it because I've been born and raised in a project. I never forget where I came from. But my mentality didn't stay there.

SPEAKER_02 8:10

Right, right. You can be in the ghetto, but you don't have to be of the ghetto. You don't have to have a ghetto mindset, you know, that's pushed on you. You don't have to settle, settle for the struggle. You know, with that in mind, entering a new stage of motherhood, as your daughter is now entering a new stage of life and you're entering a new stage of parenting and motherhood. Right. Tell me your origin story yourself, just growing up. How you began writing? What age did you begin writing and all that good stuff? Tell me.

SPEAKER_00 8:47

So started writing at 11 years old. That was an escape from childhood abuse. And, you know, coming to the realization that not everybody has a strong, solid mother and daughter relationship was tough for me to swallow because my abuser was my mother. And so, yeah, it was tough, you know, growing up, being confused, like, you know, everybody's talking about their relationship with their mom and excited about Mother's Day, you know, I'm here. Like, I don't know what that feels like. What is that supposed to feel like? Am I supposed to be happy? Am I supposed to be excited? Mine's was different. Mine's was more fear, mine's was more nervousness and anger, and why is this happening to me? And at a young age, yeah, I didn't know who God was, but I would always say, God, why is this happening to me? Was this my purpose? Was that supposed to be, you know, my mother's punching bag? Is that my life? Is that what I'm born to be? You know? And so at a young age, I thought that was strange if a child contemplated suicide because I did. I would wake up, I would go to sleep praying that I didn't wake up. I would, you know, go to school with trying to hide bruises and trying to explain, you know, why I was out for a week, so the bruises can heal, you know, stuff like that, coming up with lies. And it was tough. And I don't know how a lot of other people's generation was, but I'm 39 years old and I'm on my parents' generation, they didn't talk about a lot of stuff. You know, when you grew up in a black home, you didn't talk, you didn't ask questions, and you didn't tell your business to nobody.

SPEAKER_02 10:36

What you said, what happens in this house stays in this house.

SPEAKER_00 10:39

Right, exactly, no matter how bad it was. And see, my grandmother, my aunties, and everybody, everybody knew about the abuse, but it nobody did anything about it. I didn't have a father in my life, so I didn't even know what that means either. So not having anybody to talk to besides our siblings. I turned to writing. I kept a journal and just wrote down everything that I felt to wanting to die and you know, not even wanting to have another home to live in, just not wanting to be alive anymore. And so those journal entries turned to poetry. I, you know, I remember being in the seventh grade, and I never forget my English teacher knew something was going on at home, and she just said, Write, you need to write, write out your feelings, write out your emotions, because she was like, You're not gonna talk to me about it. So that's what I did. I just started writing any and everything that came to mind. And then she exercised that. She would give me Langston Hughes and Gwendolyn Brooks. Then there was Maya Angelo, and then right there, learning her story, I was just, oh my God, I was like, This is me. Like I connected with her through her writing and through her story. And it's beautiful. You know, even though I wasn't sexually abused, you know, I just felt like that was that was my inspiration. She was my inspiration.

SPEAKER_02 12:01

And one of the reasons why it is so important to have creatives out there, inspirations out there, the representation that it brings. Just the fact that you were able to connect with somebody through words tells you, tells us how powerful pen and paper is. And I can't imagine not having an outlet, looking at the world through the lens of a child in retrospect, as a wife and a mother yourself, contending with your healing and those feelings. You know, people love to say hurt people, hurt people. And I don't, I don't necessarily believe that's true. I've lived a life of hurt and pain, and somehow I have managed to take all that and form it into a bigger ball of love that I push out even more into the world. I don't even know how I have the capacity to love with the things that I've been through. It's an existential question that I'm very curious to find the answer to is how? How can I be loving? How can I love my children when I didn't love myself?

SPEAKER_00 13:13

And that was hard. Like when I got pregnant with my first child, you know, most people get excited and happy, and I was scared. I cried all the time. Like I literally cried every day because I, you know, the saying, like, if you were abused, either you're going to become an abuser or that cycle of abuse will continue. So I was nervous and I I've never thought about aborting my child, but at the same time kept saying, There's no way that I can be a mother with the experience that I had with my own. I don't know what a mother relationship feels like. So I was scared, you know. But as the years grew by and even into my adulthood, I've never laid a hand on my mother ever. And as an adult, it got to a point where in my life I had to move back home pregnant and all, and I was still getting abused by my mom. Physically abused, mentally, emotionally, and I had nowhere to go.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

Sis, I am so sorry. What I can't imagine. First time pregnant, young, and then still having to deal with physical and verbal abuse from your mother as you are entering the process of becoming a mother. Girl, bless you.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

And I'm telling you, it it was nobody but God that allowed me to flow in poetry the way that I did. Now, their work at a point in my life I was writing nothing but dark poetry. Yeah. And when I mean dark, it was stuff that's like, dang, does she want to kill herself? You know, when somebody's written, and I've had guidance counselors talking to me, you know, stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 14:45

But shout out to your English teacher. Oh, yeah. You know, I think I was just talking about that earlier, and just in mentioning your family and what everybody was aware of. I had an IEP meeting for my daughter being discharged from her speech, special education services, because she had an effective speech delay when she was younger. And we were talking after the meeting because they were just discussing how they've been with her since kindergarten and how it was going to be difficult to see her leave elementary school and not see her face every day because you know they've known her for the past five years. And the first thing that came to mind is it doesn't have to be the end. Be a mentor in a child's life, check up on these kids, follow up with these kids. You know and are aware that something is going on, but nobody's willing to take that extra step to find out for sure because they don't want the responsibility, you know, plausible deniability. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 15:42

That's what it is.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

But with the law, you have, I think they've reduced it to 24 hours. I'll have to check, but anybody can look in their state about reporting laws. If you are aware that someone, especially a child, is being abused, you have X amount of time to report that, or you're basically an enabler. You are an abuser yourself when you are aware of the abuse and do nothing, don't say nothing. Because how can a child help themselves and they can't? How can a child have those resources to leave, to go somewhere else, to pack up and move when their guardian, their parent, the person that manages their actual life from their appointments to their personal care supplies to whatever it is that they need? That is supposed to be your job. You are supposed to be the first person that shows them love, the first person to love them.

SPEAKER_01 16:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

What I want to know, sis, is tell me, how did you overcome that? Your history to becoming the mother that you are? What helped you outside of purging those toxic and negative spirits off you through poetry, through writing? How did you overcome that obstacle of thinking that I don't want to be like my mother? I'm not gonna be like my mother, because I'm sure there are plenty of people listening that can relate or may feel like I don't ever want to have children. I don't want to bring them in this world, or you know, ones that are scared, who are pregnant and scared? What would you tell them?

SPEAKER_00 17:13

It is a process, but a process ends. I have a it's a theory that you know, I guess there's a cliche saying, trust the process, trust the process, and you hear it so much now, trust the process. But what if that process failed? Right. What if you get to a predicament where that process no longer worked for you anymore? I never came to a point where I felt like I had to find myself. I had to realize that I wasn't what I went through.

SPEAKER_02 17:41

Say it again.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

So I had to realize that I wasn't what I went through. And I mean my broken breaking point was so many bottles of alcohol you can down to make yourself feel numb. Right. Only to realize you're not numb, you're just drunk. Right. You're still gonna wake up sober with a happening, and it's still the same way you felt before you did. You know what I'm saying? Like that's not if it wasn't helping anymore. It was to the point where my alcohol tolerance level just got higher. Right. It never did any of that. It was so many relationships that I've been in where I was either abused or I was being used. And it's that point where you're not just thick and tired. You're tired of being sick and tired.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

Yeah. And I say that all the time. Everybody comes to a breaking point. Yeah. And it's in that, it's in that breaking point. Whatever that breaking point looks like to you, for one of my guests, it was a nervous breakdown. Yeah. For someone else, you know, it may have been an attempt at suicide. Yeah. Everybody has a breaking point. And at that breaking point, everybody got choices. You can either choose to remain in that toxicity, into that dark, oily pit of existence you've been allowing yourself to live in. Or you can choose the light. You can choose to do the hard work, whatever that looks like, to get to the point to where you need to be. Because I can only imagine when all you've known is abuse. It can be you don't want to put hope into someone. You don't want to put your eggs in a basket, knowing that they're fragile and that the hands that they're in has the capacity to drop them, fumble them, break them, either unintentionally or intentionally. Just being able to put that trust into someone else again. So kudos to you, sis, for that. Because not only are you raising beautiful young queens, do you have any sons? I have a son, four-year-old son. Look at that. And now you had a young king. And you have a husband. I won't presume, but but I can only imagine how difficult navigating that relationship initially was. Kudos to your husband for sticking by your side for staying with you.

SPEAKER_00 20:03

It was rough. I'm telling you, it was rough. I came right before we started because I've known him for a long time, since 2002, when we were in high school. And it came to a point where I was my breaking point, and I I don't even talk about this day, but it happened when I was disciplining my daughter, and I went to spank her, and I missed her bottom, and I hit the bottom of her back with my hand, and I saw how red it got. And if I just cried, I cried, I cried because it can't I felt like I was going to be turning it to my mom. Triggered you. She looked at me, it's the same way I look. That beer. And I saw that look, and I just could I oh my gosh, girl, I was I was in tears.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

I can imagine.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

I was in tears, and that was my breaking point. So then when I when me and my husband started dating, is when I explained to him everything, and I'm just like, hey, this is what's going on, this is my past. You knew me in high school, but you didn't know me to the point where you actually understood what was going on. Right. Being away from home was my release, and I could be somebody different. And then, of course, you know, eventually it was I am no longer, I was no longer a student when I got on the butt.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

Right. A personality you had to put on a face, you know, in order to function in the world.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

I had to.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

You had to create a persona.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

Yeah, you have to create a persona and you have to create a story.

SPEAKER_02 21:46

Yes. And then you start living the story.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Yeah, living that story in front of someone else.

SPEAKER_02 21:52

That's exhausting. That is so exhausting.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

You can't go to high school, do this. Oh, yeah, my mom abuses me. She hit me and ranked yeah. How's your dad? You know what I'm saying? Like Mother's Day, everything had to be different. Yeah. And so my husband, you know, he just he took a lot of my heat. I was, I had so much rage because I didn't know how to be a mother. I thought all the cussing at your child, yelling at your child is what you were supposed to, you know, stuff like that. I wasn't showing the love. We only do what we know. Yeah. But when I had that breaking point, I had to realize she didn't ask to be here. She didn't cause any of my frustration. Right. You know, I know I didn't want to be a single mother at 21. No, but at the same time, it wasn't her fault that she was here. Right. It was a decision that I made.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Right. That is a word in itself, right there, honey. Yeah, girl. Acknowledging the role that you play in your own life and how not to hold yourself in bondage to your past. Once you become aware of your deficiencies and your character and your personality and your spirit, that I hate for people to say when they know better, you do better. Because that's not it. When you know better, you have an opportunity. Yeah. You have an opportunity to do better. You have a choice to do better or not. Once you become aware, people love to stay stuck in their ignorance. Because with awareness comes responsibility.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

Because you know we're perfect, you know. Right. But lies. Girl, the lies we tell. Oh my god. I thank God. Yes. And not a hundred percent healed from what has happened. Yes. You have to realize abuse when you have dealt with it for over 20 years, right? Even if you are removed from that situation, you still have to deal with the terrors. You still have to deal with the residue. Residue, the flashback. The stain. Yeah, the stain on your heart, it just don't go away.

SPEAKER_02 24:00

Right, right. It's like a blemish on a shirt that no matter how many times you oxyclean and spot clean that thing just won't go away. It ain't going nowhere. It's your favorite shirt. You refuse to throw it away. Yeah. But you notice it. Don't nobody else notice it until you point it out, though. Uh-uh. And that's life. You know, we see what we want to see. And until we become aware that it's there, that's all you see now with awareness. Awareness. I'm telling you, awareness is powerful. Yeah. Is what you do with that awareness once you become aware. What are you gonna do now? What are you gonna do now? It's a crossroad, and it's not enough to say, Well, this is just who I am. This is just how God made me. Really? You really think that? That's the God you serve. You believe the God you serve that says you are fearfully and wonderfully made, that this is the life that He designed for you to be, to live, to behave, to act. Honey.

SPEAKER_00 25:00

I don't believe in that predestination stuff. I just don't. For me, none of our lives have been predestined. Yeah. Because adopted, we wouldn't have choices.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Right. Where does free will come into predestination?

SPEAKER_00 25:13

Exactly. Free will and predestination are completely different.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

Oil and water.

SPEAKER_00 25:18

Right. It just means like whatever you do in life, it's going to line up. Right. So you don't have a choice.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

The choice is already made for you. You know what that sounds like to me? Like we're living in a sim and we are just, you know, NPCs. We're we're nine-person characters. We're computer generated. And if it's already written out, we are free will agents. Honey, imagine our connection just being, you know, now I do believe in divine timing. I do believe in things working together for the good and how things line up and gravitate towards each other. I'm a big believer in that. This platform shows exactly what divine timing looks like. The people that I'm connecting with, you our connection. These things didn't happen by chance. No. Okay, I don't believe this is random. Nothing. My connections are not random. There's nothing random about life. It's a series of choices and decisions. You know. Right. And they all add up. In the end, it all adds up. Your choices matter. Your choices matter. If you believe in predestination, you might as well just be out here with a lackadaisio view of life. Nonchalant. You shouldn't care about playing your rent. Seriously. You shouldn't care about being a good mother, father, husband, wife. What for? What's it all for? If it's already written.

SPEAKER_00 26:40

Right.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

You really believe it?

SPEAKER_00 26:41

Ah, girl. We all had enough, don't get me wrong. We all have some people say a destiny. Some people say, you know, purpose in life. Right. And I just believe that when I came to my senses to realize that I am not what I've been through, that I can overcome this. It took work and it's still taking work. I'm not going to sit here and just tell you, sis, like, I'm completely healed. And you know, you need to do this and you need to be over it. And no, that's the worst thing you can tell somebody. I hate that. You need to be over it.

SPEAKER_02 27:17

Yes, definitely. It makes you feel like something is wrong with you, the fact that you can't let go of something that happened to you in your life, your experience. How dare you tell me how I should feel, how long I should feel that way. No and when to move forward. I mean, you don't get to pick and choose that. Everybody is different. Everybody handles trauma, abuse differently. Grief differently. It doesn't look the same and it's different for everybody. So to tell somebody to just get over it, you don't have a real understanding of how the human spirit works, how spiritual warfare works. Don't ever tell somebody to just get over it.

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Some stuff you just can't get out of, but it really the reality is it is all in your head.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

It is.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

But until you keep feeding yourself with positivity, feeding yourself, even giving yourself affirmations. No, you are beautiful. You are wonderful. You are strong. Even though you don't feel strong, there's something inside of you that can push past it. You just have to find that gateway out. The drinking is not it. The sex is not it. No, the drugs is not it. No, it's something else that you can feed yourself with to help you cope. And minds was poetry.

SPEAKER_02 28:37

Honey, and poetry, you know, I think in music. I can't help it. Everything reminds me of a you know what song I'm thinking of for what you just said. Cranes in the sky. Oh man. I tried to drink it away.

SPEAKER_00 28:56

Listen, I'm telling you, yes. Poetry is music. All it is is a different flow.

SPEAKER_02 29:01

It's life. Poetry is it is.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

And it's for me, it just gave me if I was in a bad mood and I wrote out how I felt, that gave me life. Yeah. It gave me that self-reassurance, like, okay, Tom, you're gonna be okay. You got all of it out your system now, but you got it out through flowing. And for me, it just worked for me.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

You lined up my next question, which was how has poetry helped shape your understanding of yourself and the world around you? And also touch on that too. What poetry isn't and what it is, what it doesn't have to look like, what it doesn't have to sound like, it doesn't have to rhyme, it doesn't have to be a song. Honey, make it make sense for the listeners, please.

SPEAKER_00 29:44

It's just words of expression. Yes. A lot of people think about poetry as like the doctor's the rhyming and all of that. No, preverse, poetry flow, that's what it is. It's taikus. It's my choice of writing is pre-verse. I don't like cryptid, I don't like the rules in writing. You know, I want to be able to flow in the manner that I do, express myself in that manner without being restricted by rules. So it's like when people think of poetry, a lot of people stray away from it because they always feel like I have to rhyme, I have to be the doctor's deuce, I have to be down. Then like I got my, I drew my inspiration from Maya Angelo, but I am Tanya. My writing is me. You know, it expresses me, it expresses how I feel in that moment. I express how I feel about a current event by writing it out. You know, I express myself based off of politics. I don't even get into politics in my writing because I would upset a lot of people, but at the same time, I will express those feelings through writing. Just writing it out. It doesn't even have to be nothing grand. Oh my goodness, I remember my first poem, A Picture, and all it says was a picture by itself stands alone but speaks for itself. Period. Look, listen, period, you know, poetry is what you don't say, but what you want a one to imagine. Just like if I want to write a poem about a dog and I don't want you to know it's a dog, I'm not gonna put the word dog in the writing. You know what I'm saying? That was my goal in writing. I wanted to write in a way where I want it somebody like, hold on, what's she talking about? Right.

SPEAKER_02 31:25

Hold on, let me read that again. Yes, yes. It gives you a sideways view. That's what I love. Poetry is perspective, it's a window into individual souls. Poetry is personal. I'm a writer. I've been writing like you since I was young. It was an outlet. I didn't know what I was doing, but I knew that I love to read and I love to write. Yeah, and I love music, and all three of those things go hand in hand. They're all words. Words are so powerful, especially when you feel like you don't have a voice. That paper gives you the platform, that pen gives you the voice. There is power in the pen. And when you can push your pain into that pen, onto that paper, you don't realize how powerful those words are and how they could activate, motivate, inspire, encourage someone else that may be feeling what you're feeling, going through what you're going through, it just helps shed a light, especially when you're in a dark place. There is so much power in writing. I wish more people took the time to write and just get their thoughts out there. It's definitely a great way to stay balanced and release stress and it's creative. The more you do it, the easier it gets. And the next thing you know, you're just writing and you're just flowing and the words are just coming out of you. Yeah, the writing is so dope. It's so dope. And I'm so glad that you were able to perfect this craft and use this craft not only in your healing, but just in your own growth and development, and that you've been able to take something that was once a tool and still is a tool, but was really a tool for you to survive and actually create a business around it. Look at that. That's the beauty. That is the beauty of it.

SPEAKER_00 33:22

And for the longest, I felt selfish with it. I was like, well, if I'm the only one writing, I got to the point where in my life, I was like, Well, I don't care who don't like it, it's my writing. But at the same time, the older I grew, and just like a few years ago, I told myself, you know what? If God has given me this gift and I was able to start my healing process, why not show someone else the same art and craft that they could use to heal themselves? Right. So it's all about sharing what, just like with you, everybody has a story. Right. And it's great to share that story to give someone an outlet, positive outlet that they can use whenever they're upset, whenever they're frustrated, whenever they have a trigger that's getting their mind to the point where they're remembering things that they don't want to remember. No, you got to release that, get it out your system, flow, get a pen and paper, write it down. However, it comes out, it doesn't even matter. It can come out sloppy, but it can also come out poetically. You just never know until you release it out of your system.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Look, nobody has to read it. You can rip it up, you can burn it, you can share it, you can read it to others. There's lots of things that you can do with it. And the point is at the end of the day, you're getting your thoughts out of you, out of your head. And once you can see something on paper and have a visual representation of your thought process, once you go back and you look at those things, like I talk about in episode one, really, my introduction. Let me reintroduce myself just about finding my old journals. And that was my breaking point. This podcast was formulated. A part of that was being able to look back at my old journals and actually see myself discussing things that were happening today and discussing them all those years ago. And it was a visual representation of my growth and my lack of growth. It put it out there for me to see. When it's in your head, those thoughts they flow, they come, they go, they drift, they light like butterflies. They land, they go away. That's why I tell myself, hey, write that down because you know you'll forget about it because you're constantly thinking all the time. So it really helps give you a visual representation of your thought process. Because once you can see it, then you get perspective for real. You're like, wow, I love this.

SPEAKER_00 35:52

And then you draw ideas from that. Yeah. You draw ideas, you draw inspiration, or you could just take it. And I know some therapy sessions, what they'll do is they'll have you write down your thoughts and feelings. Then you can thread it, you can burn it, you can get rid of it. But guess what? It's out of your system because you wrote it out. It's out of you.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

You feel better. Yes, yes. And then just the perspective is different when you read your own words and you go back and you look at a timeline when you are feeling a certain kind of way. It don't have to be bad. It could be good, it could be a journal of good thoughts. It could be your highlight reel of the day. Write down something positive that happened to you today so that you can go back and you can remember what a positive day looks like, what a positive day feels like on a negative day to remind you that, hey, either I don't think like this anymore, or you know, I've grown, I don't do that anymore, or hey, I realize that I don't want nobody treating me like this no more. And if it looks embarrassing on paper, imagine in real life, you know, is I'm telling you, writing can do so much for you.

SPEAKER_00 37:05

Yeah, and then see with journaling, when you're expressing yourself, what I had to learn is I had to be raw and real with myself. Yes. And truthful with myself, even when you're sitting there journaling and writing a poem. It's one thing for me to tell a story. I can make up a story and write a dope poem. Right. But when I'm expressing myself and be really feeling, really expressing how I feel at that moment, whether it is suicidal, whether it is angry and frustrated, whether it is all right, I'm done with life, when I'm being as raw like that, I know that that's gonna be one of the purest, dopest poems I have ever written.

SPEAKER_02 37:44

Right. When it comes from a pure and authentic play, when you're writing for yourself and you're not writing for an audience.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

Because you can draw an audience.

SPEAKER_02 37:53

Exactly. And like you said, hey, I got plenty of life experiences, or you draw inspiration from things that are happening in the world around you, either in media, current events, the news, and you write about it from your point of view and your perspective. But when you're living in something is coming from you, honey, that's something totally different. Something totally different.

SPEAKER_00 38:15

Yeah, and you write from someone else's experience. Right. So many times where I would, you know, talk to a girlfriend or something, and I felt her pain, and I put myself there and I flow. Yeah, you know, and just to express being able to say certain emotions that someone else can't say at the moment, and then you share it with them, and then it's like, whoa, how did you how do you know to say it that how do you know to put it that way?

SPEAKER_02 38:39

You just let it flow, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:41

You you I have a love for words, and I love words, I love to play on words, I love to take a word, and everybody knows that this word means one thing, but I'm gonna twist it here this way. You like, hold on, what?

SPEAKER_02 38:53

What do you mean? Yes, girl. I once dated a guy, and we had a whole conversation that was just filled with what do you call him? Double entendre. How do you pronounce it?

SPEAKER_00 39:05

Girl, don't come in that way. You were closer than me.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

Just with words with double meanings, and it was so creative, it was so witty. I've never had a conversation with someone where the entire conversation was just you would think listening to us, we were speaking about one thing, but we were talking about something entirely different. Only we knew about it. It was such a dope interaction. I'll never forget it. I think it's a sign of not only genius, but creative genius to be able to be witty, creativity, to think on your feet, to be able to use a word in multiple ways and make it mean multiple things. And I think it's just a beautiful form of expression. Tell me about One Soul Flow. How did you come up with the name? What does it mean to you?

SPEAKER_00 39:55

So I came up with the originally um when I was in the seventh grade and I got a notebook from my English teacher. And like I said, I didn't know a lot of stuff and it had to be God, but I kept writing on a piece of paper forever love as one soul. And I never knew what that meant. I just wrote it down because I felt that in my soul. Forever love as one soul. And I said, okay, I'm gonna just stick with this, just stick with this. And then as I got just this past few years ago, I was like one, it was in my sleep, and I could just see the words one soul flow. So I woke up and I wrote it on a notepad. And then I said, okay, God, what does this mean? And then he said, This is you, this is your legacy. Wow, God. And I said, okay, and I'm gonna go with it. So one soul flow means like it's you yourself. Everybody has a soul, right? Right. Good at poetry or bad at poetry. And it doesn't matter whether you're good or whether you're bad, you still have the potential to flow. Everybody has it. Poetry, you might not be an expert at poetry, but you can still flow in your own way. Yes, and it's only you, only you can do that. So the way that I overcame is I overcame flowing through my soul. Through your soul. One soul flow.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

That's beautiful. I love that. That's so dope. And that's also the title of your book for those listening. One soul flow, Miss Tanya is now a published author. I remember celebrating her when she made this known in social media spaces and just your excitement, your exuberance in in reaching this goal. Oh, yeah. This is major. This is so major. Please tell me, tell me about your book. I'm sure, and I'm right, right? It's entitled One Soul Flow, right?

SPEAKER_00 41:47

The book is actually Forever Love as One Soul.

SPEAKER_02 41:52

Forever Love as One Soul. My apologies.

SPEAKER_00 41:54

It's okay. Forever Love as One Soul, but I do have one soul flow on the front page of my book.

SPEAKER_02 42:00

That must be what I'm thinking. I was like, wait, am I must be spacing? Like, you really spacing about me. No. So once again, the title of the book is Forever Love as One Soul. Okay. And on the cover, you have one soul flow.

SPEAKER_00 42:16

Yes. Cover, I do have one soul flow because I I want I want people to ask about it. Yeah. What does this mean? I wanted what is this, what does that mean? And you have to flow through your soul. Yeah. And it's an individual thing. If it's an individual battle, it has to be an individual flow.

SPEAKER_02 42:33

Exactly. Exactly. It reminds me of uh David and Goliath and about putting on the armor of God. That when you try to go out and you wear somebody else's armor, try to carry somebody else's sword, you're gonna be weighed down by that person's perspective, their spirit, their thought process, and idea on how to go into war and go into battle. You have to armor yourself in your own armor, tailor-made and created just for you. You can't go into battle wearing somebody else's boots too small or too big. You know, you're not gonna be affected. Somebody else's stuff for you to know. Exactly. And that's what I find in creative spaces that people are drawing inspiration, but they're taking it a step further. They're trying to plagiarize or not even plagiarize, that's the wrong word. They're trying to hijack and take somebody else's flow and adapt it to themselves. And they haven't found their self yet, they haven't found their flow yet. So they try to mimic other people's sound, what other people are doing. And it's a prime example about entering social media spaces, especially in professional mode. Yeah. When I first started professional mode, I didn't know nothing about nothing, the world of social media, how it worked. So naturally, I wanted to depend on other people who did or who I thought knew what they were talking about. And it's really just the blind. Meeting the blinds of me to getting my page restricted for three months and not being able, you know, it led to a lot of different things. And I instantly, instantly realized I don't like how they're operating. I don't like what they're doing, how they're doing it. This is not me. This is not how I am going to operate. I'm going to treat my social media space the same way that I treat my physical space. Oh, yeah. So that means that I want to interact only with quality personalities, quality business owners, quality pages, quality creatives, quality people. And by quality, I just mean that they're organic, they're authentic, they're motivating, they're purposeful. And those are the kind of people that I want to connect with, build with, network with, collaborate with. You can't grow with somebody else doing all this extra stuff, follow for follow. And you know, there's no real love.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

And then it gets to the point where it's like when I came on the social media thing, I came on with it, like, you know what? I can't, I can't be nobody else. I don't want to do what they're doing. I don't even want their result. You know, you see people, what is follow for follow? Come on now. Really? What are you following? Like, why are you following? Right. You don't have social media outlets and you don't have a purpose for it, but say follow for follow to get so many likes and so many follows and so many ones.

SPEAKER_02 45:25

How about you tell me why?

SPEAKER_00 45:27

Right.

SPEAKER_02 45:28

Why should I follow you?

SPEAKER_00 45:29

What makes you follow where you're how am I gonna be inspired by you? Right. Like, what is your content gonna do for me that upbuilds me spiritually? Yeah, what is your content gonna do for me to make me feed my soul so that now I can be like, no, I can get up and go. How is your content gonna help me grow if everybody's content stays the same and it's the same common denominator, then I don't want to numerate it, and I want to be a part of that.

SPEAKER_02 45:54

The math ain't mapping. You hear me? And the math is not mapping. If one of these things are not the same, and I know that I don't fit in, it's all good.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

And I think that's that's the misconception of social media. It's like you gotta have a purpose. And if your purpose is for followers, if that's your purpose, great. I hope you get as many follows as you are, but I hope you can able to inspire people like it becomes old after a while. Follow for follow for what? I don't want to follow everybody now follow me.

SPEAKER_02 46:31

And not even that, that's just the professional mode of things. Let's not talk about the personal pages and the people that are unaware of how promotional works. I was one of those people that was blissfully unaware about the inner workings of social media. I didn't know how powerful of a tool social media can be until I started purposefully using social media. On my personal pages, my algorithm looks totally out of whack, totally different because I was just randomly seeing things and it starts to show me the same random things over and over and over and over again. It didn't open up the door for anything extra. You just got shown the same things, just stupid videos, cat videos, dog videos, just yeah, girl.

SPEAKER_00 47:16

I'll be like, What?

SPEAKER_02 47:17

It's all a distraction. And when I think about it, my social media footprint on my personal page is just full of distractions. Oh it just really changed my view about social media. I hated social media. In a sense, I still do what people are using it for. I hate how people are using this tool. WWW is supposed to stand for worldwide web. And when you look at a web sis, what does that look like? It looks like a series of what? Silk connections. Yeah. You know what I mean? A lot of connections. That's why with the underbelly of the internet, they have what they call the silk road. That's when you're getting into those dark underbelly places of where you know you can't be traced and can't be found and are sharing completely dangerous and abusive things online. It's called the Silk Road. Well, a web is silk, is it not? A spider spins silk, it spins a web. And that web is supposed to connect people, but nobody's making any connections.

SPEAKER_00 48:22

Not the right one.

SPEAKER_02 48:23

There's just so many broken connections. It's like walking through a spider web and just tearing it all up. You know, you got a piece of web up here, piece over there, a string flying over here. And the purpose, my purpose, is to connect those strings, to find those strings and make sure that those are quality strings. I want to build a neural network of dope individuals. I want to highlight dope individuals. I want people to be able to come here, listen to the Montberon and Filter Podcast, and leave here knowing that they can go connect with a dope soul. Yeah. As somebody who is going to enrich your social media experience.

SPEAKER_00 49:07

And then to me, I see your podcast is going past social media experience. Like when I came on and started listening to your podcast, I took a personal growth and inspiration to it. And it had nothing to do with social media. It came off of social media into my personal life because each speaker you have had on there has inspired me, has uplifted me, listening to tough situations, not feeling like I want to curl and remember bad thoughts, but overcome the thoughts that I've had. And it's like, wow, I've never, I've never encountered a podcast that made me feel good about talking about tough situations, except for the like your last, not your one that you just had just passed Sunday, but the one before that.

SPEAKER_02 49:54

Yeah, navigating childhood abuse in the mind.

SPEAKER_00 49:57

Yeah. Yeah, I encourage. I even got my couple people listening to it because the reality is you're welcome, girl. Yeah, people need to heal. People need this type of content. It needs to be expanded in social media, which is not wrong, but it then needs to come off social media. Because some people live in the social media world and then it consumes them. And then you walk away, you spend so many hours away, and you don't learn anything. You have not grown at all.

SPEAKER_02 50:26

All that time scrolling, clicking, how has that enriched your life? And I mean people say it's not that deep. It's only entertainment. Everything to me is that deep. What do you mean it's not that deep? Yeah. But you're feeding your mind, your spirit, the same things you feed your body. It is that deep. You don't realize how this stuff is affecting you neurologically. And how all that stuff plays a part in your real life. How you take things from social media and how you find yourself looking for everything that you see. Right. It has the power to change the world if people used it properly. And they're not. I'm trying to create my own lane here. The podcast world is so many. Everybody got a podcast, but I like to think not everybody got this podcast, though. Right. And then I'm able to highlight these important topics and subjects because Lord knows I have a testimony. Like you said, everybody has a story. Everybody has a testimony. But it's important not to trauma bond with people. No. To still be able to talk about your trauma, but astral project yourself and in a way that promotes and facilitates healing, activates healing. I want people to heal. I know what it feels like. You know what it feels like. You just discussed part of your testimony, sis. And so people can only, they can only imagine, especially if they've never lived it. They can only imagine what that feels like and what that looks like. But how do we help people? How do we help people who I have experienced these things, gone through these things, activate healing in them? The most I can do is just show what that looks like with me and just try to connect with people in a real way. Right. And I don't meet a stranger. And I feel like if we don't meet strangers, that opens the room for higher vibrational interaction, quality conversations that help build and lift you up. Because, you know, like I told Dr. Sanja at the end of her episode, I know that when I get off of here with you, sis, my day is gonna look brighter. That if anything, even if nobody hears this and listens to this podcast, that you help me. So I feel in my spirit that if this is helping me, I know that this can help somebody else. And that's what it's for. It's not monetization, attention, getting famous, and being known. I could care less. I can go the rest of my life just being a voice. I wish I never had to show people my face. Right. But it just is what it is. I just want people to hear my words. That's why this is an audio-only podcast. This is why Mamba Ron Unfiltered is not interested in going live and doing everything everybody else is doing, because I want to be able to bring intimacy to the conversations that I bring because I need people to hear things in a way that helps them understand that they are not alone. And thank you. Thank you so much just for the confirmation that I am doing something that's worthwhile. Because honey, sometimes I feel like, what are you even doing this horses? Is anybody listening to you? Oh, girl, are you even making sense when you talk? We listening. Girl, because y'all know I'm a mess. We all a mess. Girl, thank you. And I know that we were discussing your book, and I'm sorry that we got off tangent, but tell us, tell us about your book. What is it? And also where everybody can go locate and find that book.

SPEAKER_00 54:00

So my book is pretty much a collection of some of my poems. You can find it on Amazon. Again, it's titled Forever Love as One Soul. The purpose, I pick these particular poems because of the tone. Okay. Because of the conversations that a lot of us don't have, the perspective of a woman as a black woman. These are the things that I wanted to portray because a lot of them, you can hear my voice, you can learn me through reading these poems. And I wanted to inspire young black women. And that was the purpose. I touched on a lot. I touched a lot on racism. I touched a lot on abuse. I've touched a lot on different aspects of my life that contributed to my overcoming abuse.

SPEAKER_02 54:53

That's dope. It's dope that not only do you have a target audience, but that it's purposeful. That, and that's what I love about authentic creatives. That when you get to talk to them and get to know them and hear about why they are passionate, everybody wants to make money. Right. Of course. There's nothing wrong with having income streams and making money, but there is more to life than mammon. There is more to life than money. And when you talk to creatives like yourself and just hearing your passion about what you do and why you do it, I never hear anything about money. You know, I always just hear about service, service to the community, service to your fellow human beings, service to your gender, you know, just a service. You're service-minded. And if you keep operating with that service mindset, you you can't fail, sis. You cannot fail.

SPEAKER_01 55:55

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:56

I have yet to cop my copy yet, but I am going to be getting my copy. And I hope everyone that's listening gets their copy as well. Those links to her book, to her content will be available in those show notes. You discuss some of the themes and ideas surrounding your book and your writing. What I am interested in is a favorite poem of yours that you write. I would love for you to share a piece with audience.

SPEAKER_00 56:28

In that part, pick a favorite in this part. But there is one that I will, it's not necessarily it's not about abuse, it's about your integrity.

SPEAKER_02 56:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 56:43

When you come across situations and you come across people that kind of do you wrong, or you come across people, it's how you respond to that negativity.

SPEAKER_02 56:53

That's right.

SPEAKER_00 56:53

If I can, I I want to share that poem with y'all.

SPEAKER_02 56:57

Of course. Please, please do.

SPEAKER_00 57:00

And the title of it, and I'm real blunt, like I'm outside.

SPEAKER_02 57:03

We don't need no disclaimers here on the mambra and unfiltered. This is mambra and unfiltered. We don't need a disclaimer. Look, those who are new, you know, you are gonna get a dose. But those who are not new, honey, best believe my loyal listeners, they already know what's up.

SPEAKER_00 57:21

All right, so here we go. So I titled it integrity. Okay, I would never, ever for the life of me, do people the way they've done me. Throw away all that I've known to be just because you lost our moral standards and integrity. Shame eats substantially. While your world waste, my mind is free. I don't live my life vicariously. I choose to be me. While you fill that void of beating me, I've dodged all attempts to surrendering to become less so you can thrive more. Who has the time to keep soar? Why not soar, explore, and build an empire? The stress you took to camp at my base and talk more about me than smile in my face. So when you see me smiling back at you, just know that I know and I know more than you do. I have more to lose while you have nothing to gain. I have a legacy to maintain and sustain. I don't drown in your rain while you try to bring pain. Because personally, I gain more with my integrity checkmate.

SPEAKER_02 58:43

I like that. That checkmate. Yes. It starts like, you know, like the design, the designs you had on my life, you know, did not come to fruition. Yes. And while you were playing checkers, I was playing chess. I love that. That's dope, especially, you know, when discussing that they have nothing to gain and you have everything to lose.

SPEAKER_00 59:03

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 59:04

And it's so dope because this last episode three was about legacy. What is gonna be your legacy? Yes, and how are you gonna be remembered by your friends, your family, your children? Right when you pass away in transition and someone has to clean your house, what are they gonna find? What is gonna be left behind? What are you gonna leave behind? What residue are you gonna leave on the world? Or are you just gonna disappear into obscurity, into nothingness as if you never existed? That's sad. Right.

SPEAKER_00 59:37

To show forth. Like, no, like, and if you talk about legacy, my legacy, I want to leave, is to overcome. That's it. Everybody has a power to overcome. Now it comes with a choice. Because you know, when we have stuff happen in our life, we want to blame X, Y, and Z for not succeeding and for not growing and for not doing this. But when you get to a point in your life where you understand right from wrong and you understand that you have a choice at the end of the day, no matter how your life mapped up until that point in your life, you have a choice. You have a choice, period. I had a choice. I had a choice. I could have become an abuser, I could have continued the cycle of abuse, but I chose to stop it in my house. Stop it with my children. Right. Because I refuse to allow any child of mine to feel the way that I felt growing up. Right. Nobody deserved that.

SPEAKER_02 1:00:42

And that's a beautiful legacy to leave your children and for them to carry on to their children's children. And that's the seed that keeps on giving. That's good seed, honey, that you're planting. Having nobody told you, I'm gonna tell you that I am so proud of you. Thank you. And I tell people all the time, I don't have to know you personally. We don't have to be besties and be braiding each other's hair. For me to be proud of you, you are another woman, another black woman like me, who have lived through some things and are still standing to tell the tale. And anybody who can do that is powerful in my eyes. When you can take your pain and push it into purpose as you have, honey, you can't be nothing less than a dope soul. Tanya, you are amazing. And don't you ever forget it from one amazing woman to another. We need to hear these things. We need to. I mean, people love to say, you know, they don't need confirmation from somebody, but a little acknowledgement goes a long way. Yeah, you don't know just how your word can help uplift somebody, help somebody, keep them going when they feel like giving up.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:54

Sometimes all it takes is a word.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:56

That's it. All it takes is a word. Look, a word, honey. Have we come up with our podcast title? Honey, just the power of words. And since you shared a piece, I thought this would be a great time because I've never, you know, really truly shared my poetry with you.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:13

Oh, let's hear it, girl.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:14

But I would love to, since I have you. Yes. I don't know. Look, I'm nervous because I'm like, what can I share with her?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:22

But whatever's in your heart. Whatever's in your heart.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:25

We talked about what poetry looks like and the the view, this view people have of poetry and what it is and what it ain't. So this is my thoughts. And I feel like your book is to help inspire and encourage women. This would be a proper, proper one to share with you. It is titled Again. Here I am again. Going above and beyond, putting myself out there, being open, being willing, to get ready to get again another L. When will I learn? Am I destined to be alone? Why is it so hard to find a man that desires to treat you like you treat them? I want to cater to someone. Love to put a smile on their face. Make them feel real with love. I'm far from perfect. But I'm fucking awesome, damn it. I am cool, as fuck, different, chill, nerdy, gamer girl, bookworm, intelligent, faithful, loyal, a great mother, the best friend you could ever have or want. When I love, I love hard, but who the hell deserves that level of truth that I bring? Why can't they see what's in front of them? Is it me? I know I'm not perfect. I'm not a lot of things, but fuck all that noise. I'd be damned. If I believed I'm the cause behind a nigga's self-esteem issues, his shortcomings, his deficiencies, if you aren't trying to grow from your fucked up ways, then that's on them. Not me. Like I said, I'm fucking awesome. And I deserve not to settle for less. I want to receive just as much as I give forever a reciprocal. I can't settle for less. And if that means I'm alone and single for however long, then so be it. Let me continue to focus on myself, my health, my mind, my body, my family, my life. I'm not built to be out here having casual sex and hookups. Even if I love sex, I am interested in a life partner. I don't want to do this life shit alone. I want to love on someone and give them the very best part of me. I want a husband. I want a man that will love my girls like his own. I want my booty rubbed every night. I want to give massages and suck dick at random and on command. I want someone who sees that I need affection. I want to build a life and a legacy with someone. I don't want anything less. I'm not mad at myself behind this situation. Yeah. I feel a way. Who wouldn't? I really thought he wanted what I wanted. That he was willing to not be so hard with me on me. To simply understand me. To know that I'm soft. A lady. I'm cool, but I'm not cool with disrespect. I can't allow anyone to talk to me any kind of way. That's not cool. I've lived that life a lifetime ago. Never again. If he can't be willing to chill his tongue when addressing me, then I'm the fool for sticking around after I've made it abundantly clear that I'm not cool with that kind of talk. I would never talk to him the way that he talks to me. And I made allowances. For it because he recognizes that he can get out of order and is actively working on changing it. But that doesn't mean that I have to accept any disrespect. Then the kicker is that when I reached out to him to separate myself from the situation, he tells me to stay away from him with all that negative energy because he is trying to do better. OMG. Anyone who can't take responsibility for their recklessness and then turn it around and put it on someone else, shaking my head. Narcissism at an all-time high. I lived with one for a long time. Almost lost my life dealing with that bitch maid, but I digress. I can see all that shit, and I'm pointing it out. This is what you're doing. This is how you're behaving. This shit ain't cool, and I'm not cool with it. But anyway, fuck talking about this shit. I'm blessed to have done something I've never done. I had an awesome time, things fell through, and I made myself feel like an idiot again. I am an amazing woman, a deserving woman. And after writing all this, I shouldn't feel bad for putting myself out there for shining my light and sharing my energy. I'm unforgettable. And if someone can't appreciate me for who I am and isn't willing to do what it takes to have a healthy non-toxic relationship, then I'm happy for that ship to crash and burn and sink to the very depths of the bottom of the deepest ocean. Real talk. Now that I can clearly, for the first time in a long time, see what I got to do, not be bitter, not be pessimistic, simply change my focus. And what will be for me, will be for me in the time that's meant for me. If at all. Either way, I'm going to do me and do it better from now on. The end. As you can see, honey, you can probably gauge some frustration.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:10

It was it was the way you smoothed it out. Like you got out that frustration, but then you transition into you know what, but I'm cool.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:18

Yes. Yes, that's exactly it. Reading it, I write and then I never read this stuff again. I have so many things like that where I just I'm just writing, I'm just purging my thoughts. Yeah. And just reading that, I can see the process, I can see my initial frustrations and my conviction and and not holding myself into bondage for a decision, you know, that I had made that fell through.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:43

You know, just uh yeah, this is why I write.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:47

And that's what it's about. It's all about that. Like some people release it through a rap, some people release it through lyrics, some people release whatever it is. Mine's just music of words. That's just how I flow.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:58

That's just how I flow. I like that. That's just how I flow. And and just reading that, y'all, again, because like I said, it's been a minute. I haven't read that. I don't know when I created that note, but just reading that again, it reminds me. And this is what the point of writing is. This encourages me to stay on a righteous path when it comes to my interactions with men to remind myself who I am, then I am fucking dope. And if you don't know it, something is wrong with you. It's not what's wrong with me. Exactly. Why are you single? You seem like you dope. You chill, you this kind of girl. Oh, you played a game.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:39

Yeah, that's why.

SPEAKER_02 1:09:41

That's why what's wrong with you? Yes, that's what they'll say. Like something got to be wrong with me because I'm single. And I tell them it's not what's wrong with me, it's what's wrong with the world, because I'm a true believer that you know, I don't believe in a piece of a man is better than no man at all. I know what I bring to the table. Why would I why would I go sit, you know, somewhere else that's not meant for me? And it's uncomfortable. It's like when you go out, sis, and you know before you leave the house that you don't want to wear this outfit. You know, you get where you're going and you're constantly pulling down, tugging and adjusting, and it takes away and distracts you from the time that you're having when you could have just done you. Wear what you wanted to wear that was comfortable and enjoyed yourself without worrying about what you look like and trying to look like something. So, honey, honey. This is a good reminder for me. I'm glad. See, God is good, God is good. He be knowing what he's doing, honey. Our conversation has been nothing but confirmation. You know, just reading this is confirmation, and that's the point. That's the point that I want everyone to listen to this. Writing is powerful, and do it for yourself. If anything, do it for yourself. If you want to heal, this is a great start. This is a great start to the healing process is purging. Purge those things up out of you some kind of way. And it's not gonna be through drinking, through sex, through drugs, through vacations and whatever else it is that you do to fill this void that you have inside of you. None of those things are working. No amount of self-help books, no amount of toxic positivity that you surround yourself with every day. This is gonna take some work. And you have to be willing to do the work. And it starts with purging, it starts with getting this ugly toxic stuff outside of you and releasing it. I am so so happy to have had you come here today just to discuss. Thank you. Thank you for the invitation. And look, there's just so many things like I wanted to ask you, but like the nature of conversation, honey, it just takes a life of its own. And that's what I love about the authenticity of what we do. There's you know, no rhyme or reason. There is rhyme and reason, there's a structure at some point, but I love for things to just take a life of their own. People need to be able to see, hear, and witness just more authentic interactions because I don't know Miss Tanya. She doesn't know me, not in real life. Hopefully, prayerfully, one day, you know, I would love to meet everyone that I've connected with because that's just the level of quality, personality that I feel that they have. All of the people that I talk to, sis, is people that I would want to know and interact with in real life. And since I don't have you in the physical realm, I do have you in the virtual realm. And I'm so thankful to have had you here to come do that. So, with that said, Tanya, thank you so much for taking the time to stop by the Mambarra and Unfiltered podcasts. Chop it up with me today. Once again, and I can't say it enough, you are truly a dope soul, and I am blessed to have come into awareness of you through social media. Social media is once again a powerful tool, especially when searching for authentic people to connect and build with. They are out there. Trust and believe me. You see proof right here and now. So do me a favor, sis. I want you to tell everyone listening how to find you in the virtual realm and remind us about your book and where we can go to purchase a copy.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:35

Thank you again so much for having me. So on social media, you can find me on OneSoul Flow. Again, that's one-o-n-e-so-s-o-l-f l-o. No w from your Facebook, you can find me on Instagram. And I also have my website, onesoulflow.org. My book, you can purchase that on Amazon. Go to Amazon.com in the search bar. Search Forever Love as One Soul by Latonya Allen. The book is ten dollars for a paperback. If you have Kindle Unlimited, you can download it for free. I've been pushing that on Kindle. Yes, if you have Kindle Limited, download it for free.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:16

Yes. For you, that definitely help you promote that. You let me know, honey, because I need to know.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:26

We'll do girl.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:27

We'll talk. That's amazing. Remember, you can locate those direct links to OneSoulFlow's book, her content and webpage right here in this episode's show notes. Just look right there. And also, if you're not aware, the host site, Buzz Sprout, there is a new feature called Fan Mail. And if you look above the episode description, right there under the title, you should see TextMomba, your very own Ron Unfiltered Thoughts. And if you just click on that, it'll open up your phone to your text message application, and you'll be able to send a direct message about the show that you're listening to, your thoughts. I would love to get your feedback. And I'm sure Miss Tanya would love to get your feedback about the episode two and uh what you heard and what you learned. Please be sure to go like, follow, and share. Check her out for yourself and see why she is Mamba approved and deserves your follow and support. Once again, sis, thank you so much. I appreciate you. I hope you come back. You will come back, right? Because, honey, it would be fun to collaborate with you on some and look. Oh, yeah, girl. Look, I know I do have the EP coming. I just haven't looked I've been so focused on everything else, and I gotta get the bread up to pay my engineer who is gonna be producing and mixing mastering this experimental project. But I am definitely looking forward to it, and I would definitely love to have you featured on that. That would be dope. We'll have to get together and connect, and you let me know.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:00

Of course. Okay, oh you know how to reach me and listen. I'm gonna say it in the words of Black Mama. Listen to the podcast.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:09

Look, damn it. She won't say that, but look, I will listen to the podcast. Damn it. That's all I say. Please damn it. Just listen to the podcast. That's all you have to do. And you will get more of these conversations. And hopefully, like I said, if she said she would, she will come back. I got plenty more questions to ask you, sis, just about your creative process, everything that I missed. We just, honey, but that's the nature of a rabbit hole. We came out on the other side safely. There you go. And look, I got you through it. I think I did it.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:43

There you go. Look, I got myself through the nerves, girl. But it's all good, it's all love.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:50

Right. No doubt. No doubt. So how do you feel? I'm so good.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:56

I can't believe I got through it. Um, the whole time I kept telling myself, nope, you're not doing this, you know, it's not recorded. Because it seems like when I do it, the recording, I just get uh that's natural.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:06

I mean, I was just telling somebody that when you become aware that you're being recorded, you're aware of your speech, you're aware of your word choice. You start monitoring what you say and how you say it. And I didn't want to have to deal with all that. So that's why my platform is the way it is. It's a place, it's a safe space for free thought, just for people to come and talk about whatever that they want to talk about in the way that they want to talk about it. Because I'm gonna talk about it my way, and I just want to create a safe space for other people to feel like they can too. Because everybody needs a safe space just to talk their shit. Nobody has that. I'm not seeing it anywhere. It's so superficial. What I do see is just so superficial, there's no real, no real connection. Right. So this is gonna be great. Well, kings and queens, here we are, safely on the other side of another rabbit hole, and I can only hope that after having heard this beautiful conversation, you walk away feeling lighter, maybe even encouraged and inspired. OneSoul Flow came through and blessed us with a treasure trove of gems that anyone can take and do something beautiful with. It is my goal to highlight dope souls. People that bring enrichment and value to the platforms and the world. OneSoul Flow is one of those people. What a blessing it was to have her on the Mambaran Unfiltered podcast. Please be sure to look at the show description notes to access links that will take you directly to her social media accounts and webpage, as well as a direct link to check out and purchase her book, Forever Love as One Soul, available on Amazon for the modest price of$10. And if you have an Amazon unlimited account, you can download it for free. That's right, people, free. So support. And when you grab your copy, be sure to tell her that Mamba sent you. Once again, I appreciate you for putting me in your ear, for giving me your time, energy, and attention. It is always my goal to deliver higher vibrational content that matters. If the Mamba Ron and Filter Podcast is a platform that you not only enjoy, but find value in, consider planting a seed with a love offering donation and or support the MRU platform through the form of feedback, reviews, and sharing the podcast on all of your social media accounts. You can access links that help you do all of that and more in the show notes or by visiting the Momboranum Filter website at www.pode.com forward slash MRU podcast. And while you're there, don't forget to check out the blog, My Mind Palace, especially if you love elevated thought processes on life and the world around us. With that said, you know what's up. It's time for me to relocate. Until next time, kings and queens, do me a solid, will ya? Be good, be safe, stay healthy, and drink your water. Water is life. Peace. It is important to remember that mental health conditions, abuse, suicide, and trauma are serious issues that require professional help and support. If you or someone you know is struggling with any of these challenges, please seek help immediately. There are resources available to provide assistance and guidance during difficult times. You can reach out to the following organizations for help. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Call at 1-800-273-TALK. That is 1-800-8255-447 confidential support for individuals in distress or crisis. National Domestic Violence Hotline. Call 1-800-799-SAVE. That's 1-800-799-7233 for confidential support information and resources related to domestic violence. Visit www.nami.org or call one-eight hundred-nine five zero NAMI or 6264 for information, support, and resources related to mental health conditions. That stands for rape, abuse, and incest national network. Call 1-800-656-HOPE. Once again, that's 1-800-656-46873. Call them for confidential support and resources for survivors of sexual assault. Remember that you are not alone, and there are people who care about you and want to help. Please do not hesitate to reach out for support when you need it. Peace, love, and light.